Wednesday, September 10, 2008

My MPRI Experience

Week 8 – Treatment #33 – Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Yesterday afternoon, I worked on my daily devotionals, my Muslim 30 day prayer booklet, my ministering to Muslims booklet, my Men’s Small group lesson, and my 5th Grade Sunday school lesson so it was a full afternoon. I also started backing up using my free Dell Safe program. It ran for almost 24 hours and still has around 24 hours to go. I was doing some windows updates this morning and it blew up my computer. I just started it up again now. Once it has a full backup, the regular backups should be much shorter. I am only interested in a couple of my main files anyway.

Last Friday started our first wave of folks leaving Jill’s House. Julia and Web left on Friday; today Jim and Judy left; on Friday, Zack & Theresa and Randy and Lisa will be leaving. Early next week Jill and her Mom Sharon will be leaving. Then, in a couple weeks, it will be another mass exodus with John and I; Sara and Robbie and others leaving. Last night, Sharon invited me to eat with her and her family. We had chick and dumplings and they were great. Bob, Jill’s Dad, made most of the dish I think. Anyway, it was great. After that, I walked over to the local bowling alley for a good bye party for Jim & Judy. When I was just about ½ way there, Jim and Judy drove by and picked me up. We ended up in the bar for the first hour or so before they started bowling. I played a couple of games of pool. It was Emmett and I against Robbie and George. Robbie was about the only one who looked like he knew what e was doing. It was interesting though that Emmett and I won both games we played – or how Robbie put it – they lost both games – we did not really win. Anyway, it was fun. There ended up being around 13 of us. Ed and I got a ride back to Jill’s house with Sara and Robbie.

Since I had not made it to the YMCA for over a week, I decided to bite the bullet and go with John at 5 a.m. this morning. I am not sure if I slept any at all last night. I just tossed and turned all night. I even got up before 5 a.m. without using my alarm. John and I worked out at the YMCA for around two hours. I did my regular routine of 30 -40 minutes of weights, 30 minutes on the killer stairs, and 30 minutes in the pool. I “swam” a record 11 laps today. I feel like a new man (in an old wrapper). I got back to Jill’s house and ate breakfast (two bowls of cereal, a banana, and two cups of coffee). Then, I walked over to MPRI. I got there about 25 minutes early but had to make a rest stop. They called me in 15 minutes early.

I decided to try another one of my bathroom humor routines on them. Courtney came out to get me and said they could not find me. I told her I was in the bathroom. She looked kind of concerned and asked if I still had my water. I said yes. She looked kind of doubtful so I said “Do you want me to give you the details?” She said “No!” I asked who was “ballooning” me today. She said Victor. I said good – I have a story for him. When I walked into the treatment room, we exchanged our normal how are yous. I told them that I had having a problem with gas this week. I asked them if they has seen any of the hot air balloons that were flying around latterly. Anyway, I told them I felt like I had a hot air balloon at the bottom of my rectum. However, I was not worried about it since I felt like any slight poke would release all the gas. I looked at Victor and I think his balloon wilted. It was kind of funny to me at least. Then, when Courtney was filling my balloon with water, the end of the syringe came out and splashed water all over my leg. I asked Courtney if she had done this before (of course she has done this 1,000s of times and could do it in her sleep.) She told me she had done it once before. Well, anyway, I don’t know if I shook Victor up or what but when they did my x-rays, they said my balloon was not in far enough. So, they had to reposition it. I told Courtney, again today, they should not have a man doing a women’s job. Yesterday, Courtney had to take some air out of my balloon that another guy had filled with water. Other than that, things went fine. I kidded David again today about having a foot fetish since he has been playing with my feet the last two days. (They put a washcloth over my feet and then rubber band them together to make sure I do not move them around.)

So, now I am back at Jill’s House. I finished up a load of laundry and got it folder. I decided to get my blog updated and then will start work on my devotionals and then work on my 5th Grade Boys Sunday School lesson and then work on my other Bible study lessons.

Joke of the Day

Panda Bear

A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich.
When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant.
A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear."
It says, ''Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves.''

If you think that was bad, read the blonde joke below:

Dead Mama

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"


How about this one:

Bad Food

A Doctor was addressing a large audience:

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long- term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."

One last try:

A Zoo Story

A guy found a sheep and showed him to a policeman.

The policeman said, "Take that sheep to the zoo, now."

Next day the policeman sees the man with the sheep again.

The policeman stops the guy and says, "What on earth are you doing with that sheep?"

The guy says, "What is there to do? Yesterday I took him to the zoo and now I'm taking him to the movies."

Ok, how about this one:

No Arms and No Legs... Pile

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs lying in a pile of leaves?

Russell.

Man, it sure is hard to find a good joke – one last try (A dumb blonde joke:)

A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, "Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."

You have to admit that was kind of cute!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Week 8 – Treatment #32 – Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Today, I slept in until 7:30 a.m. I was awake around 5 a.m. but could not bring myself to get up. I had a quick breakfast and then was off to MPRI. They were behind in room 1 but room 2 was in pretty good shape. I was a little late but made it through without any problems. Then, I had my doctor’s appointment and everything seems to be going fine. No additional problems this week so it is t – 12 treatments and counting. I know it will be over before I know it. I may try a quick Sam’s run today. John wanted to pick something up. I am not sure what I need if anything. Tonight, there is supposed to be a bowling party for Jim and Judy’s going away. Then, on Thursday, there is supposed to be a going away party for Zack and Theresa. I have not heard anything yet about Randy and Lisa’s going away party. It seems like we have a lot of new folks here or coming in soon. I think there were supposed to be five new residents coming in. Today, I helped move a new computer desk into the administrative office for Peg. I am going to run down to the lunchroom to see if there is anything going on. Then, might see if John and Loyd are around for our Sam’s run. Then, I will need to work on my daily devotionals and my 5th Grade Boys Sunday School lesson. I may update this if anything new happens the rest of the day.

Joke of the Day

HMO in Heaven


An eye doctor, a heart surgeon and an HMO executive die and are in heaven. God asks the eye doctor why he should be let into heaven, and the doctor explains to God that he helped people save or regain their sight. God says, ''Welcome to heaven, my son.''

God then asks the heart surgeon what he had done in life that should allow him into heaven. ''I saved people from death from heart attacks and heart disease,'' the doctor replies. ''Welcome to heaven, my son,'' God says.

God then turns to the HMO executive. God asked him what he was, and the man replied that he worked for an HMO. ''Welcome to heaven, my son,'' says God, ''but you have to leave in two days.''

Monday, September 8, 2008

My MPRI Experience

Week 8 – Treatment #31 – Monday, September 8, 2008

Today, Ed and I left St. Louis about 9 a.m. We drop together to Bloomington. We got here around 2:30 p.m. The drive sure seems to go faster when there are two of you in the car. I had a quick lunch (bananas and ice cream) and then headed over to MPRI. They were about an hour late so I hit the restroom and then drank my water again. My appointments are 9:30 for the rest of the week except for Friday which is 10 a.m. It looks like Ed and I will be carpooling home again on Friday but with me driving this time. I have lots of stuff to do this week so it should go quickly.

Joke of the Day

Just A Juggalo


A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys' car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.
"Sir," the cop says. "Why do you have all those knives?"
"They're for my juggling act," the man says.
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Prove it." So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by.
"Man," says the first guy. "I'm glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard.

College Grads

A graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
A graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
A graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much it cost?"
A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Thursday, September 4, 2008

My MPRI Experience

Week 7 – Treatment #29 – Thursday, September 4, 2008

Today, I got up around 7:45 a.m. I went down to breakfast and had a couple cups of coffee. I put my milk in the freezer thinking I would have cereal after my coffee. I added some Mir-A-Lax to my coffee for my third dose within 24 hours since I had not had much luck during the night. I told people there was wind and rain but no hail during the night. I sat around chatting for a while and then headed up to my room. I order some Italy photos and then Loyd and I headed out to Walmart and Sams to do some shopping.

At Sams, I picked up some cheerios, ice cream, coffee (regular for the kitchen since we always seem to run out), some juices, fiber capsules, some bananas, and a couple things for home and a special gift for Julio and Angelina. My appointment today is at 2 p.m. so I am going to go down and eat lunch right away. I will probably have my breakfast cereal and my last banana. I forgot that my milk was in the freezer and so took it out when I got back from Sams. It was plenty cold that is for sure. I may update my blog later with more info and a couple pictures I have not gotten transferred to my laptop yet.


I just got back from my MPRI treatment. I got there over 30 minutes early but they were ready for me. I had not drunk my water until about 1 p.m. so they decided to wait 15 minutes to treat me. When I went down for lunch today, the lunch room was crowded. The Rotary Club had ordered around 50 lunches for their big meeting here at Jill’s House. The only problem was that the meeting was scheduled for next week. So, everyone had a free box lunch meal. There were ham, turkey, roast beef, and vegetarian meals. There were lots left over so I took seven of them over to MPRI.

When Courtney came out to get me, she said room 2 was a little smelly. The four therapists in that room had gone out for Mexican for lunch. I took Courtney that was ok. I had not had a bowl movement for two weeks. BUT I was working on a remedy. I said I had taken three daily doses of laxative in the last 24 hours and I felt like I was ready to explode. Courtney told that I needed to tell Jason that since he was going to do my balloon today. So, when I got into the treatment room, I told Jason that story. He did not seem to excited about it. I told them I was expecting to read about myself in the paper tomorrow with a head line reading “MPRI Patient Explores On Proton Treatment Table – Three Therapists Injured!: My treatment took about 30 minutes longer than normal. They adjusted my treatment area and then had some PC problems. Tomorrow, my treatment is at 8:30 a.m. and so I should get an early start going home.


Joke of the Day

Devil in the Church

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church.

Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

One more Blonde joke:

Blonde and Waitress


Q: What did the blond customer say after reading the buxom waitress' name tag?
A: “ ‘Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one?''

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

My MPRI Experience

Week 7 – Treatment #28 – Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Today, I got to sleep in until about 8 a.m. I got to eat breakfast and have coffee. Then, John #2 and I went to the YMCA about 9:30 a.m. We worked out for a couple hours and then were back at Jill’s House about noon. I ate a couple hot dogs and then Julio and Angelina made some chicken vegetable rice soup. I had two big bowls of that. I did some work on my 5th Grade Sunday school class work and chatted with some folks.

Then, I walked over to MPRI for my 5 p.m. treatment. I got in right about on time. Jason was in charge of my balloon today. Jason told me to raise up my legs and then I said something like “my aren’t we bossy”. Then, he took my balloon back over to the staging area. I asked the therapists what he was doing. They said he was wiping off the lubricant. I said “Oh, my! I guess we are going to do this the hard way!” I told them that when John Shea came in next time to not use any lubricant on his balloon. I was waiting for my treatment to begin when the therapists came back into the room. They indicated that my balloon was not in far enough so they had to readjust it. They got my balloon adjusted and then I got my 28th treatment. My 5 p.m. appointment for tomorrow was rescheduled for 2 p.m. since it is my “cone-down” day. Tomorrow, they will start treating just my prostate itself. They will no longer be treating the surrounding ½” area so it should be a little better.

I walked back to Jill’s house where we were having a luncheon for four families that are leaving in the next week or so. We had lots of food and I probably ate too much. I had three different kinds of beans and two pieces of pie. I felt like I was going to explode. I knew that I needed to take something to try to loosen me up. Sara gave me some laxative to take to see if I could get some relief. Later, I talked to Angelina and she gave me some more of the same stuff. So, I have had a double dose of laxative. So, I am expecting great things in the near future.

The meal was a great success. Then, we started movie night shortly after 8 p.m. I got to the movie late but we watched “The Hit Man”. It just ended a few minutes ago, so I decided I had better get my block updated. I have not talked to John #2 to see if we are going to the YMCA tomorrow. I guess I can always check with him in the a.m. I am watching some of the Republican National Convention while I am updating my blog. I guess that is about it for today.

Joke of the Day

Hilarious Signs


Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your nose!"

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

My MPRI Experience

Week 7 – Treatment #27 – Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Monday evening I spent about three hours online looking for a new wedding ring. Linda, Jodi, and I had looked for one over the weekend so I kind of knew what my options were locally and so I decided to look online. My old wedding ring was near impossible to get on and off so I had not been wearing it after my bone scan before I started my treatments. Linda wanted me to wear it while I was in Bloomington so we checked on getting it resized. They wanted $90 to resize it and I thought I would prefer just getting a new ring as my old one was worn down and very plain. So, I decided to look online. I first started out looking at tri-tone gold rings because I really liked them. After looking at them, I decided what I really wanted was a Black Hills gold ring like the one I had been wearing on my right hand but was also too small for me. I looked and looked and finally found a couple I liked. It was hard to decide but I finally ordered one from Riddle’s online.

Here is the link:

http://www.riddlesjewelry.com/products/detail.php?area=clearance&page=6&productID=2289

I also liked this one:

http://www.riddlesjewelry.com/products/detail.php?area=search&search=41710D&productID=1750&page=1

I found this one and ordered it for Linda:

http://www.riddlesjewelry.com/products/detail.php?area=search&search=KG1530D&productID=661&page=1

I was thinking about getting my old Black Hills Gold ring resized but I may end up ordering another one from Riddle’s as they are having a great close out sale. Here is the link in case you are interested:

http://www.riddlesjewelry.com/products/clearance.php

So, I ended up ordering a wedding ring for me last night and a matching one for Linda to wear with her diamond ring. So, I should be set for the next 30 years.
Today, I slept in until 8 a.m. That was GREAT! I got up and went down for breakfast. I has a few raisins left over from last night and one of my bananas along with my 16 ounces of water. No coffee or cereal today. I got to chat with Zack and his mother. Theresa said they got good news last week in that the cancer spot that they had stopped treating had shrunk per the MRI that Zack had. He is supposed to have another MRI I think on Wednesday and they are hoping for more good news. Zack showed me a new John Deere flashlight that he got and a John Deere measuring tape.

By that time, I needed to head over to MPRI. I wanted over again this morning. Things went very well (no sudden urges). I got taken back right about on time and actually got a gown that covered everything for a change. Amy, my 14 year-old looking therapist, got the balloon duty this morning. How embarrassing! Anyway, my treatment #27 was pretty quick and uneventful. I met another Jason today. I was in treatment room #3 today but am moving to treatment room #2 for the rest of the week. I am looking forward to treatment #29 when the ratchet down the circumference of the treatment and only treat the prostate and not the extra ½” surrounding area.

Jeff did the preliminary questioning prior to my doctor’s consultation. This time I was weighted without my thong and I weighed in at 196 (about 4 pounds less than last time). I told Jeff I did not realize that those thongs weighted that much. My interview was very normal (as normal as it gets with me anyway). No new symptoms to speak of. Jeff took my blood pressure and said I had the blood pressure of an 18 year old. I said that instead of having a body of an 18 year old, I probably had the mind of an 18 year old.

Dr. Fitzek asked how I was doing and I said everything was fine. He checked me for “red” spots on my hips and actually showed me an outline of where the proton radiation was entering my body. I had not seen that before. So, that was about it for my treatment today. So, I am free the rest of the day. I may go down for lunch in a few minutes (around 1 p.m. EST).

I need to update a few pictures (a new one of Debbie and another one of Traci) and run down my joke of the day. Traci seems to love having photos of her on my blog. I did find out a couple interesting things today. Traci moved into a new condo over the weekend. Lauren and her boyfriend are moving to Oklahoma City in early October where they have bought a house. A new proton facility is being setup there and Lauren’s boyfriend actually helped setup one of the treatment rooms here in Bloomington so he has the technical expertise. Lauren is going there to help setup the treatment processes. They bought a nice old 1910 vintage house and are really excited. I found out Traci was from the OKC area. I thought there was something familiar about her walk. 

Oh, year, I forgot to mention that I took over a container of Belgium chocolate cookies. I left some at the front desk with Connie and took the rest back to the therapists. I know Traci likes them. I think she is trying to broaden her horizons.

Joke of the Day

Religious Nuts
There were four country churches in a small Texas town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

But -- The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

In case you did not like that one, here is one that is worse:

Beer Brothers
A man walks into a pub and says, "Give me three pints of Guinness, please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone.

He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one and I'll bring you a fresh one as soon as you're low."

The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too and we're drinking together."

The bartender thinks it's a wonderful tradition and every week he sets up the guy's three beers as soon as he enters in the bar. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them, then orders two more. The bartender sadly says, "Knowing your tradition, I'd just like to just say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."

The man replies, "Oh, my brothers are fine - I just quit drinking."

If you think that was bad, try this one:

Pig in a Bar

A lady goes into the Upland Bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?"

Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose."

And the bartender says, ''Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.''


Here is a terrible one:

A Multiple Hot Foot

Did you hear about the shoe factory that burnt down?

Two hundred soles were lost.

Monday, September 1, 2008

My MPRI Experience

Week 6 – No Treatment – Saturday, Sunday, Monday, August 30, 31, and September 1, 2008

Linda and Jodi make it here on Friday about 4:30 p.m. I don’t remember all the stuff we did but I think we went to D’Angelos’ Friday evening for Italian food. The food was really good and we had some leftovers to take home. Friday night we watched a movie and I worked on fixing the harddrive on my laptop and getting the software installed.

Saturday morning, Linda & I got up and went to the Uptown Café for breakfast. The food was ok – nothing spectacular. I like the omelets better at IHOP. But it was good to experience some of the local flavor. Then, we went to the Farmer’s Market. They had lots of stuff but we did not end up buying anything. Then, we went back Jill’s House to pick up Jodi. After picking up Jodi, we went to the Annual Craft show. There were lots of venders who had some interesting stuff. Jodi bought a home made cutting board and Linda bought some light pull chains.

The girls ate lunch at the Casablanca Café. I think it was Ethiopian food but I was not sure. They were very busy and the service was very sloooooooooooooooooooooow! We must have been there for two hours. After that we did some shopping. Jodi and I got some cloths and I looked at a bunch of different wedding rings to replace the one I have which was hard to get off and on until I cut it open. Now, it is much easier to get off and on but the duct tape I put on it gives it an Indiana Hoosier feeling to it. So, I have been looking to replace it. We hit all the high end jewelry places (Sam’s and Wal-Mart) but I have not decided on a new one yet. I do like the tri-color gold rings. Saturday night we watched another movie in our room.

Sunday, Linda and I got up and went to church at Sherwood Oaks Christian Church. It seemed very much like the First Evangelical Free Church at home. They seem to have a much larger focus on the International student population than we do. I would hope that is something our church could work on. Sherwood Oaks had their annual International furniture give-away day. They gave away around 400 pieces of furniture. It has become so popular that they had to limit it to first time international students. What a great witnessing opportunity.

After church, we ate lunch at O’Charleys. We stopped by Sam’s and Wal-mart to look at their wedding bans again but I did not see anything I liked. I could have gotten a band for $48 but thought the better of it. We went back to Jill’s House and the girls got packed to leave. They left here around 2 P.M. and got home around 6:30 or so. After they left, I went out and swung on some of our playground equipment. Sara saw me and asked if I wanted to go to a band concert in the park at 6:30 p.m. I said sure so we went to a really nice local park and “listened” to the band from 6:30 p.m. until 8 p.m. Most of the crowd was talking and not doing much listening but it was a beautiful evening as the weather was almost perfect. I got back home around 9 P.M. Randy was watching the “Home Make Over” program and so I went back to my room and watched that. Then, I watched some of the 11 p.m. news and went to bed.

I got up at about 8:30 a.m. this morning. Boy, was that nice. I went downstairs and had some coffee with the boys. We chatted for a hour or so. Then, the women started to show up. I ended up out on the deck this afternoon for a couple hours. I did my small men’s group Bible study lesson and covered my daily devotional for the Muslims. Then, I came in and fixed some more leftovers for lunch. Now, I am up in my room updating my blog. I have to add a couple pictures to it that I took on Friday. Then, I will have to work on paying off a couple of my credit card bills. I do not have much of anything planned for tonight. I may go over my 5th Grade Sunday School class lesson again and get ready for this Sunday.


Joke Of The Day

Bush's Advisors

G. W. Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid. So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, "Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you."
She conference calls Tony Blair in and asks, "Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

Tony Blair replies, "It's me!" and hangs up.

G.W. Bush then calls Dick Cheney and says, "Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

And Cheney says, "Wow, that's a tough one. Let me get back to you."

So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, "Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

And Colin Powell says, "It's me!"

So Cheney calls Bush and says, "It's Colin Powell."

And Bush says, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

Colonoscopy - Written by Dave Barry

So here's the story.

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep.

You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic.. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothe s and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

ABOUT THE WRITER: Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald. On the subject of Colonoscopies... Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in; you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. Now I know why I am not gay.'

And the best one of all.

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'



Inspirational Stories

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room She said: 'How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?' The surgeon said, 'I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.'

Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?'

The surgeon asked, 'Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university.'

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you like a lock of his hair?' the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

The mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. 'I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom.' She went on, 'My Jimmy had a heart of gold.. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could.'

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She lay down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said :

'Dear Mom,

I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say 'I Love You' . I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of His pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus, Himself, took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you.. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked: where was He when I needed Him?' 'God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.

Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore the cancer is all gone.. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

When Grandma Goes To Court

When Grandma Goes To Court
Don't Jack With This Lady!