Well, here is my attempt at documenting some for life’s many questions at least in the area of Prostate Cancer Proton Radiation Treatments here at MPRI.
Prostate Cancer FAQs (For Mature Audiences Only!)
(Disclaimer – None of this information is based on sound, basic medical information. So, read this at your own risk! I hope you enjoy the information below!)
FAQ 1 - What is the prostate organ; who has one; what does it do; can I live with it?
The prostate is a male organ whose main function is to store and secrete a clear, slightly alkaline seminal fluid that, along with spermatozoa, constitutes semen. The rest of the seminal fluid is produced by the two seminal vesicles. If the prostate is removed or “killed”, then the associated seminal fluid is not produced. So, the prostate is not a critical life sustaining organ which in only found in males. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostate for more details.
The other important thing about the prostate is that the urethra vessel travels though the middle of the prostate gland which carried urine to be eliminated from the body. When the prostate is enlarged, irritated, or cancerous, the flow of urine can be constrained. Also, during proton radiation treatment, the flow of urine through the prostate can be effected. This may be reflected in several ways: 1. More frequent urination; 2. a restricted flow; 3. Inability to fully empty the bladder. The urine flow and the seminal flow cannot occur at the same time. You can think of this like two trains approaching a draw bridges merging onto a single road. If the urine drawbridge is down, the seminal drawbridge has to be up and vice versa.
A Personal Story – When I had my prostate biopsy, an older man who lead my men’s small group Bible study asked me if there was any history of prostate cancer in my family. I told him that my Mom and grandmother never had it, so I should be in good shape! Unfortunately, it did not run out that way. BUT God is still good.
FAQ 2 - What makes Proton Radiation different from other prostate cancer treatments?
I have been told that there is no statistically proven difference between the different treatments for prostate cancer. However, I think most Proton Radiation patients would disagree. So, the main thing you need to consider is the side effects. There are three main goals when treating prostate cancer. The first concerning is saving your life, i.e., killing all the cancer cells. The other two main concerns (the priority will differ from person to person depending on their age and other individual preference) are: retaining sexual functionality and retaining bladder control. I think some other approaches may statistically have better results in these areas but I am very confident in putting my money on the Proton Radiation treatments.
This reminds me of a joke. George and Loyd (two old guys) were sitting around eating breakfast at Jill’s House one morning. Loyd was telling George that every day he takes 1/8th of a tablet of Viagra. George (thinking Loyd was just being cheap) asked Loyd, “What good does it do to take that small a dose of Viagra? Loyd says, “It keeps me from pissing on my shoes!”
FAQ 3 - What is involved in the basic proton radiation pre-treatment process?
The proton radiation process is individualized for each person (man). A special 3-D mold of the individual’s prostate is made from detailed x-rays which are taken after the initial consultation. A plastic body cast is also created from a body mold that is also taken during the initial preparation time (normally the two weeks occurring right after your decision to have proton radiation treatments). In most cases, you will also get your gold seed implanted at or around the same time your body cast mold is measured. The gold seed is used to provide the ability to location a constant, unchanging spot within your body so that the proton radiation treatments can be applied effectively and accurately.
FAQ 4 - What is involved in the daily pre-treatment proton radiation process?
The specifics of the daily pre-treatment proton radiation process activities can vary from person to person. For me, I am supposed to drink 16 ounces of fluids one hour before I have my treatment. Again, the amount of fluid and the time may vary for person to person but the basic process is the same. The reason for drinking the water is so that the bladder / kidneys are filled with water and drop down some away from the prostate and the associated treatment area.
Another pre-treatment daily activity (immediately before the treatment) is what we affectionately refer to as our daily “balloon ride”. This process involves the insertion of a balloon into the rectum and then filled up with three gallons of water (actually I think it is filled with 70 cc of “contrast”). This process (sometimes painful) servers several purposes: (1) – It pushes the prostate up and away from the rectum (more on this in a minute). (2) – It provides contrast to help get better x-rays which are taken daily in positing the patient for receiving of the proton radiation.
Note on rectal burning - One MAJOR goal of the use of the balloon is to prevent rectal burning or irritation of the rectal area. This is commonly associated with extreme rectal pain and occasional bleeding. (See FAQ on this topic below.)
NOTE: Most of us have probably experienced some minor rectal irritation AFTER a late night run to Taco Bell!
FAQ 5 - What is involved in the basic proton radiation process?
The proton radiation treatment process is very different from the normal radiation. Proton radiation, unlike normal radiation, can be directly to affect a very limited area instead of all of the cells in the path of the radiation beam. That is the reason why so much care and detail is put into the design and creation of your prostate 3-D metal molds. The molds are each individually designed to the contour of your prostate. There are two molds - one created to the contour of each half of your prostate. When the beam is applied, it comes through the mold and is transmitted in the 3-D shape of your prostate. This is an effort to insure that only the necessary prostate cells are treated.
At first, the entire prostate, plus approximately ½ of the exterior of the prostate is treated. This is to insure that all of the cancer cells are killed including those that may be external to the prostate.
FAQ 6 – How is my process being monitored?
Your progress will be monitored by your doctor. After your first full week of treatments, you will have a regularly scheduled weekly meeting with your doctor. Each of the three treatment rooms are assigned one day of the week to be doctor day. The focus of this meeting will be to monitor / discuss any side effects you might be experiencing. You should let the doctor know immediately if you are having any trouble especially with rectal pain or bleeding. At the end of your treatment, your doctor will also have a “final” consultation. This “final” consultation may occur during your normal last weekly doctor’s consultation. Your doctor may suggest you come back to Bloomington for a 6 -12 month checkup. In general, this is not required. MPRI does want you to report your 3, 6, 9, and 12-month PSA scores to them.
FAQ 7 – How many treatments do I get and what exactly is involved?
In general, all prostate cancer patients get 44 treatments. The treatments are administered daily, Monday through Friday, 5 treatments per week. The treatments are administered through the hip area. One treatment is administered through one hip and then the second treatment is administered through the other hip. The patients are positioned via CT scans which use the golden seed for positioning. Each proton radiation treatment lasts from 30-60 seconds each. Since the proton radiation treatments are applied exactly from the same position every day, this causes a reddening of the skin in the hip area of the treatment site.
FAQ 8 – How many treatment rooms are there at MPRI and are they all the same? How does MPRI compare with other Proton Radiation Treatment facilities?
There are three treatment rooms at MPRI (Room 3, Room 2, and Room 1). The first room you come to is Room 3 which was the last room “built” at MPRI. Due to that fact, there are some minor subtle differences between Room 3 and Room 2. Both Room 3 and Room 2 have the rotating beams. This means the table and patience do not move but the proton beam rotates 180 degrees. In Room 1 (the original treatment room), the proton radiation beam is fixed, i.e., does not move. In this room, the table and patient rotate 180 degrees instead of the radiation beam.
The Bloomington MPRI facility is one of the more recently developed proton radiation locations and so most of the equipment is more advanced than other areas. Loma Linda, one of the most popular sites, has technology and processes which area very different than those at Bloomington. For example, instead of using the plastic casing used at MPRI, Loma Linda uses a full body plastic pod which the patient lies in when taking their treatment.
FAQ 9 - Are there any specific foods I should not be eating?
In general, nuts should be avoided as they can cause rectal / stomach irritation which can be severe. There may also be an issue with popcorn hulls. The sensitivity of this area may increase after each proton radiation treatment. There also has been some discussion about not drinking beer during this treatment time. I think I have heard that you should not be taking any anti-oxidants during this time. Consult your doctor for specifics for each of these areas.
FAQ 10 - Are there specific activities I should avoid? (Oh, guys, this is not what you think!)
One common activity that is mentioned as something to avoid is bike riding. I think the idea here is that with the new, daily traffic in the rectal area, they want to avoid any possible irritation of this site. So, bike at your own risk.
FAQ 11 - What are the most common side effects that I might have?
Some possible side effects he mentioned were:
1. Skin redness
2. Bladder Irritation
3. Sterilization (he mentioned this was a certainty)
4. Rectal Irritation / Bleeding
5. Urinary pain
6. Impotence
7. Incontinence
8. Bladder contraction
9. Colon irritation
10. Constipation
FAQ 12 – What do I do if I experience any side effects?
If you experience any side effects which are causing you any discomfort, please consult your doctor ASAP. The goal of your weekly doctor’s meeting is to monitor any side effects you have and to address ANY discomfort you have immedicately. The most common side effect is rectal discomfort. The general prescription for this is some soothing ointment or procto-form. In most cases, the ointment ($10) will take care of your minor discomfort.
FAQ 13 - How do I tell if my proton radiation treatments are really working?
In general, during the proton radiation treatments, there is no way to check on the effectiveness of your treatments. The most that is done is that the doctor monitors your treatments for side effects only. The proton radiation treatments disrupt the make-up of the cancer cells. Once the cancer cell tries to grow and divide, it is not “healthy” enough to divide into two cells and therefore dies. The normal cells are healthy enough to divide normally. The dying off of the cancer cells may take up to a year or so. This is the reason for the 3, 6, 9, and 12 month digital prostate exams and blood tests to determine your PSA level. Gradually, you should see your PSA ratings go down below one and eventually down to close to zero in some cases.
FAQ 14 - Is the whole prostate treated with each of the two different proton radiation treatment applications?
Each proton radiation treatment consists of two individual treatments; one applied via each hip. Even though each application is applied using a different treatment mold, the whole prostate is being treated by each individual treatment.
FAQ 15 - Is the rectum being treated?
As noted above, during the first 28 treatments, your prostate and the surrounding ½” is being treated via the proton treatment. If you look at the diagram of the prostate area, you will notice that the back of the prostate is adjacent to the rectum. Depending on the position of our prostate to your rectum, a different percentage of your rectal area may be treated by the proton therapy. Your doctor can provide you exact details on what areas of your rectum is being treated (in color photos).
FAQ 16 - What is “cone-down” day?
“Cone-down” day is the day of your 29th treatment. Be prepared to be on the table for at least an extra 30 minutes. A special technician will be in the room to help calibrate the proton beam for the “Cone-down” setup. “Cone-down” day is the first day when your proton radiation treatment is reduced to only treat the prostate itself and not the surrounding ½” area. After “cone-down” day, you may see the red path on your hips shrink down into a smaller “circular” area.
FAQ 17 – What special opportunities are offered to MPRI patients?
There as several different opportunities provided to MPRI patients. One popular benefit is the freezer at MPRI. The freezer is located in the children’s play area and is often stocked with free food for MPRI folks especially those staying at Jill’s House. The freezer gets restocked at least once monthly so check it out. MPRI also offers a free YMCA membership. The best workout does not need to start at 5 a.m. Smoking Jacks Rib Shack used to offer free meals on Monday evenings but that has been eliminated. However, they still offer half price meals for seniors (those 55 and older) and that price is very hard to beat so try it out.
FAQ 18 – What are some places I need to see while in Bloomington?
1. Upland Brewing Company at 350 West Eleventh Street
2. Lennie’s Restaurant
3. Smokin’ Jack’s Rib Shack
4. Bowling Alley – just ½ block north (of Jill’s House) on Walnut Street on the right hand side of the street. They have $1 drafts on Tuesday and Thursday and $1.50 bowling on Mondays through Thursday.
FAQ 19 - Where should I stay if I am getting proton radiation treatments at MPRI in Bloomington, Indiana?
As far as I am concerned, there is only one place to stay in Bloomington where receiving proton radiation treatments and that is at Jill’s House. The staff and volunteers are great and the resident community is wonderful. Of course, all of that will be changing over the next week, as the last of the old residents migrate out of Jill’s House and back into the daily grind of our normal lives.
As we readjust to our old “normal” lives, I think there is one thing that we can all be sure of:
OUR LIVES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!
On a personal note: As my last treatment day approaches, I just want to take this opportunity to says thanks to all the staff and residents of Jill’s House (past and present), the MPRI personnel, and those folks living in the Bloomington area. You have touched my life in a very special way and I will NEVER be the same. May God Bless You All! - KDS
Joke of the Day
String Theory
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."
The string walks away a little upset and sits down with his friends. A few minutes later he goes back to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender, looking a little exasperated, says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve strings here."
So the string goes back to his table. Then he gets an idea. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. Then he walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.
The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"
And the string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
"Because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved." (Romans 10:9-10)
Friday, October 24, 2008
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Colonoscopy - Written by Dave Barry
So here's the story.
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep.
You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic.. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothe s and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.
'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
ABOUT THE WRITER: Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald. On the subject of Colonoscopies... Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in; you take your left hand out...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. Now I know why I am not gay.'
And the best one of all.
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep.
You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic.. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothe s and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.
'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
ABOUT THE WRITER: Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald. On the subject of Colonoscopies... Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in; you take your left hand out...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. Now I know why I am not gay.'
And the best one of all.
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'
Happy Thanksgiving
Inspirational Stories
She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room She said: 'How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?' The surgeon said, 'I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.'
Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?'
The surgeon asked, 'Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university.'
Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you like a lock of his hair?' the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.
The mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. 'I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom.' She went on, 'My Jimmy had a heart of gold.. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could.'
Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.
The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.
She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She lay down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.
It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said :
'Dear Mom,
I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say 'I Love You' . I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of His pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus, Himself, took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you.. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked: where was He when I needed Him?' 'God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.
Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.
Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore the cancer is all gone.. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?
Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.
Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?'
The surgeon asked, 'Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university.'
Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you like a lock of his hair?' the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.
The mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. 'I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom.' She went on, 'My Jimmy had a heart of gold.. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could.'
Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.
The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.
She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She lay down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.
It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said :
'Dear Mom,
I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say 'I Love You' . I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of His pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus, Himself, took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you.. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked: where was He when I needed Him?' 'God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.
Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.
Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore the cancer is all gone.. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?
Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.
When Grandma Goes To Court
Don't Jack With This Lady!
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