If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch,
'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT:Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO:Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking
about buying a computer.
ABBOTT:Mac?
COSTELLO:No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT:Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT:Mac?
COSTELLO:I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT:What about Windows?
COSTELLO:Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT:Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO:I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT:Wallpaper.
COSTELLO:Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT:Software for Windows?
COSTELLO:No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT:Office.
COSTELLO:Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT:I just did.
COSTELLO:You just did what?
ABBOTT:Recommend something.
COSTELLO:You recommended something?
ABBOTT:Yes.
COSTELLO:For my office?
ABBOTT:Yes.
COSTELLO:OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT:Office.
COSTELLO:Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT:I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO:I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm
sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT:Word.
COSTELLO:What word?
ABBOTT:Word in Office.
COSTELLO:The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT:The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO:Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT:The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
COSTELLO:I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some
straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I
can track my money with?
ABBOTT:Money.
COSTELLO:That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT:Money.
COSTELLO:I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT:It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO:What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT:Money.
COSTELLO:Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT:Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO:I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT:One copy.
COSTELLO:Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT:Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO:They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT:Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT:Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO:How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT:Click on 'START'..... ........
Friday, March 26, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
St. Patrick
In honor of St. Patrick's Day, here is a little backstory on Saint Patrick himself.
At the age of 16, Saint Patrick was captured by Irish raiders and taken to Ireland where he became a slave to the chieftain of Ulster. One night, after six years of slavery, Saint Patrick heard a voice, "Behold, thy ship is ready." He traveled two hundred miles on foot to a place where he knew no one and had never been. He wrote in his autobiographical account, "After this I took flight, and left the man with whom I had been six years; and I came in the strength of the Lord, who directed my way for good; and I feared nothing till I arrived at the ship. And on that same day on which I arrived, the ship moved out of its place."
Patrick made his way back to Britain, found his family, and could have lived out the rest of his life in relative comfort in the land of freedom. But in 432 AD, he had another vision. He saw a man coming to him from Ireland carrying innumerable letters. "And I read the beginning of the letter containing 'The voice of the Irish.' And while I was reading aloud the beginning of the letters, I myself thought indeed in my mind that I heard the voice of those who were near the wood of Foclut, which is close by the Western Sea. And they cried out thus as if with one voice, "We entreat thee, holy youth, that thou come, and henceforth walk among us." And I was deeply moved in my heart, and could read no further; and so I woke."
Saint Patrick went back to Ireland as a missionary. No outside religion had penetrated Ireland in a thousand years. Saint Patrick founded more than 300 churches and baptized more than 120,000 people. His ministry was so influential that he came to be known as the one who "found Ireland all heathen and left it all Christian."
At the age of 16, Saint Patrick was captured by Irish raiders and taken to Ireland where he became a slave to the chieftain of Ulster. One night, after six years of slavery, Saint Patrick heard a voice, "Behold, thy ship is ready." He traveled two hundred miles on foot to a place where he knew no one and had never been. He wrote in his autobiographical account, "After this I took flight, and left the man with whom I had been six years; and I came in the strength of the Lord, who directed my way for good; and I feared nothing till I arrived at the ship. And on that same day on which I arrived, the ship moved out of its place."
Patrick made his way back to Britain, found his family, and could have lived out the rest of his life in relative comfort in the land of freedom. But in 432 AD, he had another vision. He saw a man coming to him from Ireland carrying innumerable letters. "And I read the beginning of the letter containing 'The voice of the Irish.' And while I was reading aloud the beginning of the letters, I myself thought indeed in my mind that I heard the voice of those who were near the wood of Foclut, which is close by the Western Sea. And they cried out thus as if with one voice, "We entreat thee, holy youth, that thou come, and henceforth walk among us." And I was deeply moved in my heart, and could read no further; and so I woke."
Saint Patrick went back to Ireland as a missionary. No outside religion had penetrated Ireland in a thousand years. Saint Patrick founded more than 300 churches and baptized more than 120,000 people. His ministry was so influential that he came to be known as the one who "found Ireland all heathen and left it all Christian."
Space Station Growth
Space Station Growth
Look at what happened from 1998 until 2008. In just ten years it has grown and grown.
Watch the pieces come together as they are sent up from Earth. This is the International Space Station (ISS) Assembly diagram, piece by piece.
I had no idea the Space Station had grown to this size. This is really amazing.....
What a piece of engineering! Could they have grown it to this size and capability if it were spin stabilized?
All I can say is “Go, Toyota!”
Click below:
http://i.usatoday.net/tech/graphics/iss_timeline/flash.htm
Look at what happened from 1998 until 2008. In just ten years it has grown and grown.
Watch the pieces come together as they are sent up from Earth. This is the International Space Station (ISS) Assembly diagram, piece by piece.
I had no idea the Space Station had grown to this size. This is really amazing.....
What a piece of engineering! Could they have grown it to this size and capability if it were spin stabilized?
All I can say is “Go, Toyota!”
Click below:
http://i.usatoday.net/tech/graphics/iss_timeline/flash.htm
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Some Airline Captain
My lead flight attendant came to me and said, "We have an H.R. on
this flight."
(H.R. stands for human remains.) "Are they military?" I asked.
'Yes', she said.
'Is there an escort?' I asked.
'Yes, I already assigned him a seat'.
'Would you please tell him to come to the flight deck.
You can board him early," I said..
A short while later, a young army sergeant entered the flight deck.
He was the image of the perfectly dressed soldier. He introduced
himself and I asked him about his soldier. The escorts of these
fallen soldiers talk about them as if they are still alive and still
with us.
'My soldier is on his way back to Virginia ', he said. He
proceeded to answer my questions, but offered no words on his own..
I asked him if there was anything I could do for him and he said
no. I told him that he had the toughest job in the military and
that I appreciated the work that he does for the families of our
fallen soldiers. The first officer and I got up out of our seats to
shake his hand. He left the flight deck to find his seat.
We completed our preflight checks, pushed back and performed an
uneventful departure. About 30 minutes into our flight I received a
call from the lead flight attendant in the cabin. 'I just found out
the family of the soldier we are carrying, is on board', he said. He
then proceeded to tell me that the father, mother, wife and 2 - year
old daughter were escorting their son, husband, and father home. The
family was upset because they were unable to see the container that
the soldier was in before we left. We were on our way to a major hub
at which the family was going to wait four hours for the connecting
flight home to Virginia .
The father of the soldier told the flight attendant that knowing
his son was below him in the cargo compartment and being unable to
see him was too much for him and the family to bear. He had asked the
flight attendant if there was anything that could be done to allow
them to see him upon our arrival. The family wanted to be outside by
the cargo door to watch the soldier being taken off the airplane.. I
could hear the desperation in the flight attendants voice when he
asked me if there was anything I could do..
'I'm on it', I said. I told him that I would get back to him.
Airborne communication with my company normally occurs in the
form of e - mail like messages. I decided to bypass this system and
contact my flight dispatcher directly on a secondary radio. There is
a radio operator in the operations control center who connects you
to the telephone of the dispatcher. I was in direct contact with the
dispatcher.. I explained the situation I had on board with the
family and what it was the family wanted. He said he understood
and that he would get back to me.
Two hours went by and I had not heard from the dispatcher. We
were going to get busy soon and I needed to know what to tell the
family. I sent a text message asking for an update. I saved the
return message from the dispatcher and this following is the text:
'Captain, sorry it has taken so long to get back to you. There is
policy on this now and I had to check on a few things. Upon your
arrival a dedicated escort team will meet the aircraft. The team
will escort the family to the ramp and plane side. A van will be
used to load the remains with a secondary van for the family. The
family will be taken to their departure area and escorted into the
terminal where the remains can be seen on the ramp. It is a
private area for the family only. When the connecting aircraft
arrives, the family will be escorted onto the ramp and plane side to
watch the remains being loaded for the final leg home. Captain,
most of us here in flight control are veterans. Please pass our
condolences on to the family. Thanks.'
I sent a message back telling flight control thanks for a good
job. I printed out the message and gave it to the lead flight
attendant to pass on to the father. The lead flight attendant was
very thankful and told me, 'You have no idea how much this will
mean to them.'
Things started getting busy for the descent, approach and
landing. After landing, we cleared the runway and taxied to the
ramp area. The ramp is huge with 15 gates on either side of the
alleyway. It is always a busy area with aircraft maneuvering every
which way to enter and exit. When we entered the ramp and checked
in with the ramp controller, we were told that all traffic was
being held for us..
'There is a team in place to meet the aircraft', we were told.
It looked like it was all coming together, then I realized that once
we turned the seat belt sign off, everyone would stand up at once
and delay the family from getting off the airplane. As we
approached our gate, I asked the copilot to tell the ramp
controller we were going to stop short of the gate to make an
announcement to the passengers. He did that and the ramp controller
said, 'Take your time.'
I stopped the aircraft and set the parking brake. I pushed the
public address button and said, 'Ladies and gentleman, this is your
Captain speaking I have stopped short of our gate to make a special
announcement. We have a passenger on board who deserves our honor
and respect. His Name is Private XXXXXX, a soldier who recently
lost his life. Private XXXXXX is under your feet in the cargo
hold. Escorting him today is Army Sergeant XXXXXXX.. Also, on
board are his father, mother, wife, and daughter. Your entire
flight crew is asking for all passengers to remain in their seats to
allow the family to exit the aircraft first. Thank you.'
We continued the turn to the gate, came to a stop and started our
shutdown procedures. A couple of minutes later I opened the
cockpit door. I found the two forward flight attendants crying,
something you just do not see. I was told that after we came to a
stop, every passenger on the aircraft stayed in their seats, waiting
for the family to exit the aircraft.
When the family got up and gathered their things, a passenger
slowly started to clap his hands.. Moments later more passengers
joined in and soon the entire aircraft was clapping. Words of 'God
Bless You', I'm sorry, thank you, be proud, and other kind words
were uttered to the family as they made their way down the aisle and
out of the airplane. They were escorted down to the ramp to finally
be with their loved one.
Many of the passengers disembarking thanked me for the
announcement I had made. They were just words, I told them, I
could say them over and over again, but nothing I say will bring
back that brave soldier.
I respectfully ask that all of you reflect on this event and the
sacrifices that millions of our men and women have made to ensure
our freedom and safety in these United States of AMERICA .
Footnote:
As a Veteran I can only think of all the veterans including the
ones that rode below the deck on their way home and how they we were
treated. When I read things like this I am proud that our country has
not turned their backs on our soldiers returning from the various war
zones today and give them the respect they so deserve.
I know every veteran who reads this will has tears in their eyes
Including me.
You don't have to be a Vet to have tears in your eyes while reading
this. Thank You to all who have served and are still serving. A
Grateful Nation. God Bless the USA .
this flight."
(H.R. stands for human remains.) "Are they military?" I asked.
'Yes', she said.
'Is there an escort?' I asked.
'Yes, I already assigned him a seat'.
'Would you please tell him to come to the flight deck.
You can board him early," I said..
A short while later, a young army sergeant entered the flight deck.
He was the image of the perfectly dressed soldier. He introduced
himself and I asked him about his soldier. The escorts of these
fallen soldiers talk about them as if they are still alive and still
with us.
'My soldier is on his way back to Virginia ', he said. He
proceeded to answer my questions, but offered no words on his own..
I asked him if there was anything I could do for him and he said
no. I told him that he had the toughest job in the military and
that I appreciated the work that he does for the families of our
fallen soldiers. The first officer and I got up out of our seats to
shake his hand. He left the flight deck to find his seat.
We completed our preflight checks, pushed back and performed an
uneventful departure. About 30 minutes into our flight I received a
call from the lead flight attendant in the cabin. 'I just found out
the family of the soldier we are carrying, is on board', he said. He
then proceeded to tell me that the father, mother, wife and 2 - year
old daughter were escorting their son, husband, and father home. The
family was upset because they were unable to see the container that
the soldier was in before we left. We were on our way to a major hub
at which the family was going to wait four hours for the connecting
flight home to Virginia .
The father of the soldier told the flight attendant that knowing
his son was below him in the cargo compartment and being unable to
see him was too much for him and the family to bear. He had asked the
flight attendant if there was anything that could be done to allow
them to see him upon our arrival. The family wanted to be outside by
the cargo door to watch the soldier being taken off the airplane.. I
could hear the desperation in the flight attendants voice when he
asked me if there was anything I could do..
'I'm on it', I said. I told him that I would get back to him.
Airborne communication with my company normally occurs in the
form of e - mail like messages. I decided to bypass this system and
contact my flight dispatcher directly on a secondary radio. There is
a radio operator in the operations control center who connects you
to the telephone of the dispatcher. I was in direct contact with the
dispatcher.. I explained the situation I had on board with the
family and what it was the family wanted. He said he understood
and that he would get back to me.
Two hours went by and I had not heard from the dispatcher. We
were going to get busy soon and I needed to know what to tell the
family. I sent a text message asking for an update. I saved the
return message from the dispatcher and this following is the text:
'Captain, sorry it has taken so long to get back to you. There is
policy on this now and I had to check on a few things. Upon your
arrival a dedicated escort team will meet the aircraft. The team
will escort the family to the ramp and plane side. A van will be
used to load the remains with a secondary van for the family. The
family will be taken to their departure area and escorted into the
terminal where the remains can be seen on the ramp. It is a
private area for the family only. When the connecting aircraft
arrives, the family will be escorted onto the ramp and plane side to
watch the remains being loaded for the final leg home. Captain,
most of us here in flight control are veterans. Please pass our
condolences on to the family. Thanks.'
I sent a message back telling flight control thanks for a good
job. I printed out the message and gave it to the lead flight
attendant to pass on to the father. The lead flight attendant was
very thankful and told me, 'You have no idea how much this will
mean to them.'
Things started getting busy for the descent, approach and
landing. After landing, we cleared the runway and taxied to the
ramp area. The ramp is huge with 15 gates on either side of the
alleyway. It is always a busy area with aircraft maneuvering every
which way to enter and exit. When we entered the ramp and checked
in with the ramp controller, we were told that all traffic was
being held for us..
'There is a team in place to meet the aircraft', we were told.
It looked like it was all coming together, then I realized that once
we turned the seat belt sign off, everyone would stand up at once
and delay the family from getting off the airplane. As we
approached our gate, I asked the copilot to tell the ramp
controller we were going to stop short of the gate to make an
announcement to the passengers. He did that and the ramp controller
said, 'Take your time.'
I stopped the aircraft and set the parking brake. I pushed the
public address button and said, 'Ladies and gentleman, this is your
Captain speaking I have stopped short of our gate to make a special
announcement. We have a passenger on board who deserves our honor
and respect. His Name is Private XXXXXX, a soldier who recently
lost his life. Private XXXXXX is under your feet in the cargo
hold. Escorting him today is Army Sergeant XXXXXXX.. Also, on
board are his father, mother, wife, and daughter. Your entire
flight crew is asking for all passengers to remain in their seats to
allow the family to exit the aircraft first. Thank you.'
We continued the turn to the gate, came to a stop and started our
shutdown procedures. A couple of minutes later I opened the
cockpit door. I found the two forward flight attendants crying,
something you just do not see. I was told that after we came to a
stop, every passenger on the aircraft stayed in their seats, waiting
for the family to exit the aircraft.
When the family got up and gathered their things, a passenger
slowly started to clap his hands.. Moments later more passengers
joined in and soon the entire aircraft was clapping. Words of 'God
Bless You', I'm sorry, thank you, be proud, and other kind words
were uttered to the family as they made their way down the aisle and
out of the airplane. They were escorted down to the ramp to finally
be with their loved one.
Many of the passengers disembarking thanked me for the
announcement I had made. They were just words, I told them, I
could say them over and over again, but nothing I say will bring
back that brave soldier.
I respectfully ask that all of you reflect on this event and the
sacrifices that millions of our men and women have made to ensure
our freedom and safety in these United States of AMERICA .
Footnote:
As a Veteran I can only think of all the veterans including the
ones that rode below the deck on their way home and how they we were
treated. When I read things like this I am proud that our country has
not turned their backs on our soldiers returning from the various war
zones today and give them the respect they so deserve.
I know every veteran who reads this will has tears in their eyes
Including me.
You don't have to be a Vet to have tears in your eyes while reading
this. Thank You to all who have served and are still serving. A
Grateful Nation. God Bless the USA .
Monday, March 8, 2010
Dr. Update
Here is a quick update from my ColoRectal specialist visit today. Dr. Schuval took a “quick” look at my colon and said it looked pretty good. He showed me my pre / post procedure pictures again. He did see a couple minor red spots which he applied some more medication to. He said I should be good. When I mentioned my “frequency” issue, he suggested that I take Imodium to control that. So, I am hoping this will take care of all of my issues.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
When Grandma Goes To Court
Don't Jack With This Lady!