Things To Ponder

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

A boiled egg, is hard to beat.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Interview With God

For All the Marbles

For All the Marbles

Ronnie McBrayer

The following was sent to me by my friend Felton Floyd who lives in a beautiful place called Sugar Valley, Georgia. He holds an amateur radio license, and it was in that amateur radio world that this story originated:

“The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it’s the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it’s the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable. A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the garage with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. I turned the dial up on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning conversation. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. He was telling whomever he was talking with something about ‘a thousand marbles.’ I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say.

“‘Well, Tom,’ he said, ‘It sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. It's too bad. ‘But let me tell you something that has helped me keep my own priorities. You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. Now then, I multiplied seventy-five years times fifty-two weeks and I came up with 3900. That is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime.

“‘It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail and by that time I had lived through over 2800 Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy. So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round up a thousand marbles. I took them home and put them inside a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my radio gear. Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away.
“‘I found that by watching the marbles diminish, it focused me more on the really important things in life. There's nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight. Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure that if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time. It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band.’

“You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with some co-workers to finish a project. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. ‘C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to breakfast.’

“‘What brought this on?’ she asked with a smile. ‘Oh, nothing special, it's just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. And I need to stop and buy some marbles.’”

Do You Know?

Fishing Bloopers

TEXAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL

TEXAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL

BE SURE TO WATCH THE YOU-TUBE VIDEO AT THE END.

Inmate Football

There was a VERY unusual high school football game played in Grapevine, Texas. The game was between Grapevine Faith Academy and the Gainesville State School. Faith is a Christian school and Gainesville State School is located within a maximum security correction facility.

Gainesville State School has 14 players. They play every game on the road. Their record was 0-8. They've only scored twice. Their 14 players are teenagers who have been convicted of crimes ranging from drugs to assault to robbery. Most had families who had disowned them. They wore used and outdated shoulder pads and helmets. Faith Academy was 7-2. They had 70 players, 11 coaches, and the latest equipment.
Chris Hogan, the head coach at Faith Academy, knew the Gainesville team would have no fans and it would be no contest, so he thought, “What if half of our fans and half of our cheerleaders, for one night only, cheered for the other team?” He sent out an email to the faithful asking them to do just that. “Here’s the message I want you to send,” Hogan wrote. “You’re just as valuable as any other person on the planet.”

Some folks were confused and thought he was nuts. One player said, “Coach, why are we doing this?” Hogan said, “Imagine you don’t have a home life, no one to love you, no one pulling for you. Imagine that everyone pretty much had given up on you. Now, imagine what it would feel like and mean to you for hundreds of people to suddenly believe in you.”

The idea took root. On the night of the game, imagine the surprise of those 14 players when they took the field and there was a banner the cheerleaders had made for them to crash through. The visitors’ stands were full. The cheerleaders were leading cheers for them. The fans were calling them by their names. Isaiah, the quarterback-middle linebacker said, “I never in my life thought I would hear parents cheering to tackle and hit their kid. Most of the time, when we come out, people are afraid of us. You can see it in their eyes, but these people are yelling for us. They knew our names.”

Faith won the game, and after the game the teams gathered at the 50-yard line to pray. That’s when Isaiah, the teenage convict-quarterback surprised everybody and asked if he could pray. He prayed, “Lord, I don’t know what just happened so I don’t know how or who to say thank you to, but I never knew there were so many people in the world who cared about us.” On the way back to the bus, under guard, each one of the players was handed a burger, fries, a coke, candy, a Bible, and an encouraging letter from the players from Faith Academy.

What an incredible act of Christian witness and kindness and goodness that was!

Proverbs 11:17 says, “Your own soul is nourished when you are kind.”

Proverbs 3:27 says, “Do not withhold good when it is in your power to act.”

Now click here and watch the video of this amazing game:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52AOPQvCTv4&NR=1

My Favorite Animal

My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children.

So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Guess where I am now...???

God vs. Science

'Let me explain the problem science has with religion.'

The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'

'Yes sir,' the student says.

'So you believe in God?'

'Absolutely. '

'Is God good?'

'Sure! God's good.'

'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'

'Yes'
'Are you good or evil?'

'The Bible says I'm evil.'

The professor grins knowingly.. 'Aha! The Bible! He considers for a moment. 'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a
sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?'

'Yes sir, I would.'

'So you're good....!'

'I wouldn't say that.'

But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.'

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. 'He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer,
even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Can you answer that one?'

The student remains silent. 'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give
the student time to relax. 'Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?'

'Er..yes,' the student says.

'Is Satan good?'

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. 'No.'

'Then where does Satan come from?'

The student falters. 'From God'

'That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?'

'Yes, sir..'

'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?'

'Yes'

'So who created evil?' The professor continued, 'If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists,
and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.'

Again, the student has no answer. 'Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?'

The student squirms on his feet. 'Yes.'

'So who created them?'

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. 'Who created them?' There is still no answer.

Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. 'Tell me,' he continues onto
another student. 'Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?'

The student's voice betrays him and cracks. 'Yes, professor, I do.'

The old man stops pacing. 'Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?'

'No sir.. I've never seen Him..'

'Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?'

'No, sir, I have not..'
'Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?'

'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'

'Yet you still believe in him?'

Yes'

'According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist... What do you say to that, son?'
'Nothing,' the student replies.. 'I only have my faith.'

'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that is the problem science has with God.. There is no evidence, only faith.'

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own. 'Professor, is there such thing as heat? '

' Yes.

'And is there such a thing as cold?'

'Yes, son, there's cold too.'

'No sir, there isn't.'

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. 'You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can get down to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.'

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?'

'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation.. 'What is night if it isn't darkness?'

'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?'

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. 'So what point are you making, young man?'

'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.'

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. 'Flawed? Can you explain how?'

'You are working on the premise of duality,' the student explains.. 'You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought.' 'It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.' 'Now tell me, professor.. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?'

'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do.'

'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?'

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed..

'Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?'

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided. 'To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.' The student looks around the room. 'Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?' The class breaks out into laughter. 'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir..' 'So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?'

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable. Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. 'I Guess you'll have to take them on faith.'

'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,' the student continues. 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?'

Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course, there is. We see it Everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in The multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.'

To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.'

The professor sat down.


PS: the student was Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein wrote a book titled God vs. Science in 1921...

Stay Calm, Dad - A 5 Year Olds 911 Call

God Gave Us Colors

Irish Luck

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog.
There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.

'I want to repay you,' said the nobleman. 'You saved my son's life.' 'No, I can't accept payment for what I did,' the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.
'Is that your son?' the nobleman asked. 'Yes,' the farmer replied proudly. 'I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of.' And that he did.

Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.
Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia.

What saved his life this time? Penicillin.

The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill ... His son's name? Sir Winston Churchill.

Someone once said: What goes around comes around.

Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching. Sing like nobody's listening. Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

Support Our Troops

As I came out of the supermarket that sunny day, pushing my
cart of groceries towards my car, I saw an old man with the hood of his
car up and a lady sitting inside the car, with the door open.

The old man was looking at the engine. I put my groceries away in my
car, and continued to watch the old gentleman from about twenty five
feet away.

I saw a young man in his early twenties with a grocery bag in his arm
walking towards the old man. The old gentleman saw him coming too, and
took a few steps towards him.

I saw the old gentleman point to his open hood and say something. The
young man put his grocery bag into what looked like a brand new
Cadillac Escalade. He then turned back to the old man. I heard him yell
at the old gentleman saying:

'You shouldn't even be allowed to drive a car at your age.' And then
with a wave of his hand, he got in his car and peeled rubber out of the
parking lot.

I saw the old gentleman pull out his handkerchief, and mop his brow as
he went back to his car and again looked at the engine.

He then went to his wife and spoke with her; he appeared to tell her
it would be okay. I had seen enough, and I approached the old man. He
saw me coming and stood straight, and as I got near him I said, 'Looks
like you're having a problem.'

He smiled sheepishly, and quietly nodded his head. I looked under the
hood myself, and knew that whatever the problem was, it was beyond me.
Looking around, I saw a gas station up the road, and I told the old man
that I would be right back. I drove to the station and went I inside. I
saw three attendants working on cars. I approached one of them, and
related the problem the old man had with his car. I offered to pay them
if they could follow me back down and help him.

The old man had pushed the heavy car under the shade of a tree and
appeared to be comforting his wife When he saw us he straightened up
and thanked me for my help. As the mechanics diagnosed the problem
(overheated engine), I spoke with the old gentleman.

When I shook hands with him earlier, he had noticed my Marine Corps
ring and had commented about it, telling me that he had been a Marine
too. I nodded and asked the usual question, 'What outfit did you serve
with?'

He had mentioned that he served with the first Marine Division at
Tarawa, Saipan, Iwo Jima and Guadalcanal ....

He had hit all the big ones and retired from the Corps after the war
was over. As we talked we heard the car engine come on and saw the
mechanics lower the hood. They came over to us as the old man reached
for his wallet, but was stopped by me. I told him I would just put the
bill on my AAA card.

He still reached for the wallet and handed me a card that I assumed
had his name and address on it and I stuck it in my pocket. We all
shook hands all around again, and I said my goodbye's to his wife.

I then told the two mechanics that I would follow them back up to the
station. Once at the station, I told them that they had interrupted
their own jobs to come along with me and help the old man. I said I
wanted to pay for the help, but they refused to charge me

One of them pulled out a card from his pocket, looking exactly like
the card the old man had given to me. Both of the men told me then that
they were Marine Corps Reserves. Once again we shook hands all around
and as I was leaving, one of them told me I should look at the card the
old man had given to me. I said I would and drove off.

For some reason I had gone about two blocks, when I pulled over and
took the card out of my pocket and looked at it for a long, long time.
The name of the old gentleman was on the card in golden leaf and under
his name was written: 'Congressional Medal of Honor Society.'

I sat there motionless, looking at the card and reading it over and
over. I looked up from the card and smiled to no one but myself and
marveled that on this day, four Marines had all come together because
one of us needed help. He was an old man all right, but it felt good to
have stood next to greatness and courage, and an honor to have been in
his presence. Remember, OLD men like him gave you FREEDOM for America .
Thanks to those who served and still serve, and to all of those who
supported them, and who continue to support them.

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the
Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand
in front of them!
Remember, Freedom isn't Free. Thousands have paid the price, so that
you can enjoy what you have today.

LET'S PRAY THIS: JUST 19 WORDS:

GOD OUR FATHER, WALK THROUGH MY HOUSE AND TAKE AWAY ALL MY WORRIES;
AND PLEASE WATCH OVER AND HEAL MY FAMILY;AND PLEASE PROTECT OUR
FREEDOMS, AND WATCH OVER OUR TROOPS, WHO ARE DEFENDING THOSE
FREEDOMS.AMEN

Senior Citizen Texting Primer

Since seniors are texting and
tweeting, there appears to be
a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code)

ATD AT THE DOCTOR'S
BFhg BEST FRIEND has gas
BTW BRING THE WHEELCHAIR
BYOT BRING YOUR OWN TEETH
CBM COVERED BY MEDICARE
CUATSC SEE YOU AT THE SENIOR CENTER
DWI DRIVING WHILE INCONTINENT
FWB FRIEND WITH BETA BLOCKERS
FWIW FORGOT WHERE I WAS
FYI FOUND YOUR INSULIN
GGPBL GOTTA GO,PACEMAKER BATTERY LOW!
GHba GOT HEARTBURN AGAIN
IMHO IS MY HEARING-AID on
LMDO Left MY DENTURES OUT
LOL LIVING ON LIPITOR
LWO LAWRENE WELKS' ON
OMMR ON MY MASSAGE RECLINER
ROFLcgu ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING AND CAN'T GET UP
TTmL TALK TO me LOUDER
WAITT WHO AM I TALKING to?
WTP WHERE'S THE PRUNES?
WWNO WALKER WHEELS NEED OIL

What We Drove In The 50s and 60s

The 1940s