Friday, December 21, 2012


Christmas at the Gas Station



                Christmas at the Gas Station

The old man sat behind the counter of his gas station on a cold Christmas Eve. Business had been brisk with people gassing up their vehicles to visit relatives.  He hadn't been anywhere in years since his wife had passed away. It was just another day to him. He didn't hate Christmas, just couldn't find a reason to celebrate. He was sitting there looking at the snow that had been falling for the last hour, wondering why he was still around, when the door opened and a man who looked homeless stepped through.

Instead of throwing the man out, "Old George" as he was known by his customers, told the man to come and sit by the heater and warm up.

"Thank you, that's very kind.  I don't want to be a bother," said the stranger. "It's pretty cold out there.....but maybe I should just go."

"Not without somethin' hot in your belly." George said.

He turned, opening a wide mouth Thermos and handed it to the stranger. "It ain't much, but it's hot and tasty. Stew.....made it myself. When you're done, there's coffee, and it's fresh."

Just at that moment he heard the "ding" of the driveway bell. "Excuse me, be right back," George said.

There in the driveway was an old '53 Chevy. Steam was rolling out of the front. The driver was panicked. "Meester, help!" said the driver.  In halting English with a thick Spanish accent, he continued. "Mi esposa....she have the baby.  Mi car, she broken." George peered under the hood. There was so much steam that he couldn't see much of anything.  His guess, though, was that the block had cracked from the cold.  The car was as dead as a doornail.

"You ain't going nowhere  in this thing," George said as he turned away.

"Por favor, meester -- Ayudame!  You can help me?"  Tears stood in his frantic eyes.

The door of the office closed behind George as he stepped inside. He went to the office wall, got the keys to his old truck, and went back outside. He walked around the building, opened the garage, started the truck and drove it around to where the couple was waiting.

"Here, take my truck," he said. "She ain't the best thing to look at, but she runs real good.  You can bring her back after the baby comes.  I'll see what I can do about your car."

George helped put the woman in the truck, and watched as it sped off into the night.

He turned and walked back inside the gas station. "Glad I gave 'em the truck; their tires were shot, too.  Not safe."  George thought he was talking to the stranger, but the man had left.  The Thermos was on the desk, empty, with a used coffee cup beside it.

"Well, at least he got something in his belly," George thought.

George went back outside to see if the old Chevy would start. It cranked slowly, but finally caught.  He pulled it into the garage where the truck had been, thinking he'd tinker with it later on.  When business dropped off around dinnertime, he discovered that the block hadn't cracked, it was just the bottom hose on the radiator. "Well, shoot, I can fix this," he said to himself. So he put a new one on.

"Those tires ain't gonna get 'em through the winter, though."  The snow treads on his wife's old Lincoln were the same size. They were like new, and he wasn't going to drive that car anyway.  So, he put them on the couple's Chevy.

As he was working, he heard what sounded like gunshots.  He ran outside.  Across the street next to a squad car, he found a middle-aged policeman lying on the ground.  Blood was coming from his right shoulder.  The officer was moaning, "Please.....help....."   His shoulder radio wasn't functioning.  Following the cop's instructions, George tried to raise someone via the police car's communication system, only to find that a bullet had left it useless.

George remembered the training he had received in the Army as a medic.  He knew the wound needed pressure to stop the bleeding.   The uniform company had been there that morning and had left a bag of clean shop towels. He wadded up a bunch of them and used duct tape to bind the wound.  "Hey, they say duct tape can fix anythin'," he said, trying to make the policeman feel at ease.

Running back to the garage, he tried to call 911, only to find that his phone had no dial tone.  Now what?!  Blankets and something for pain, George thought. All he had was the Arthritis-Strength Tylenol he used for his back.  He went back to find the officer sitting up.  "These oughta help with the hurtin'."  He wrapped up the policeman and handed him the pills along with a bottle of water.

"You hang in there, I'm gonna try to find somethin' to get you off this cold street."  A few minutes later, he returned with a large 4-way dolly, and managed to haul the policeman over to the warmth of his shop.

"Thanks," said the officer. "You probably should have just left me there. The guy that shot me is still in the area."

George sat down beside him, "I would never leave an injured man in the Army, and I sure wasn't gonna leave you." George pulled back the bandage to check for bleeding. "Looked worse than what it was, I think. Bullet passed right through ya. Seems to have missed the important stuff , though. I think with time yer gonna be right as rain."

George got up and poured a cup of coffee. "How ya take it?" he asked.

"None for me," said the officer.

"Oh, ya gotta try this! Best coffee in the city. Too bad I ain't got no donuts to go with it." The officer laughed and winced at the same time.

George was about to head off to try to find a working phone when the front door of the shop flew open. In burst a young man with a gun.

"Give me all your cash! Do it....now!" the young man yelled. His hand was shaking, and George could tell that he wasn't a regular at this sort of thing.

"That's the guy that shot me!" exclaimed the officer.

"Son, why are you doing this?" asked George, "You need to put that cannon away. Somebody else might get hurt."

The young man acted confused. "Shut up, old man, or I'll shoot you, too. Now give me your cash!"

The cop was reaching for his service revolver.  "Put that dang thing away," George said to the cop, "we got one too many in here already."

He turned his attention to the young man. "Son, it's Christmas Eve. If you need money that bad, well then....here. It ain't much, only $150 bucks, but it's all I got. Just put that pea shooter away."

George pulled the pile of bills out of the cash register, and handed it to the young man, reaching for the barrel of the gun at the same time. The young man released his grip on the gun, fell to his knees and began to cry. "I'm not very good at this am I? All I wanted was to get something for my wife and son," he went on. "I lost my job, and our rent is due.  The landlord said he was going to evict us if we didn't come up with at least part of the money we owe him.  My car got repossessed last week.  I've already sold every last thing I own that's worth a plug nickel...."

George handed the gun to the cop. "Son, we all get in a bit of squeeze now and then. The road gets hard sometimes, but we make it through the best we can."

He got the young man to his feet, and sat him down on a chair across from the cop. "Sometimes we do stupid things." George handed the boy a cup of coffee. "Bein' stupid is one of the things that makes us human. Comin' in here with a gun ain't the answer. Now sit there and get warm, and we'll sort this thing out."

The young man had stopped crying. He looked over at the cop. "Sorry I shot you," he said sheepishly.  "I was so scared when you came up behind me that it just kinda went off. I'm sorry, officer....really."

"Shut up and drink your coffee " the cop said.

George could hear the sounds of sirens outside. A police car and an ambulance skidded to a halt. Two cops threw open the door, guns drawn. "Chuck! You ok?" one of the cops asked the wounded officer.

"Not bad for a guy who took a bullet. How'd you find me?"

"GPS locator in the car. Best thing since sliced bread. Somebody called 911, reporting shots fired over this way.  When you didn't answer the dispatcher, she put 2 and 2 together.  Who did this?" the other cop asked, looking suspiciously at the young man.

Chuck answered him, "I don't know. The guy ran off into the dark. Just dropped his weapon and ran."  He handed over the now wiped-clean pistol to his fellow patrolman.  George and the young man exchanged puzzled looks. 

"This guy work here?" the wounded cop asked, eyeing his shooter.

"Yep," George said after only a brief hesitation.   "Just hired him today.  Boy lost his job last week."

The paramedics came in and loaded Chuck onto the stretcher.  The young man leaned over the wounded cop before he was wheeled away, and whispered, "Why?"

Chuck just said, "Merry Christmas, kid..... You, too, George!  And thanks for everything."

"Well, looks like you got one doozie of a break there. That oughta solve some of your problems anyhow."

While the young man sat with his head in his hands, George went into the back room, and came out with a small box, which he handed to the boy. "Here ya go, son.....something for the little woman. I don't think Martha would mind. She said it would come in handy some day."

The young man looked inside to see a good-sized diamond pendant.  "I can't take this," said the young man. "It's gotta mean something to you."

"You're right....and now it'll mean somethin' to you," replied George. "I got my memories of Martha. That's all I need."

From under the counter, George pulled out another box holding a car and a tanker truck.  They were toys that the oil company had left for him to sell. "Here's a present for that son of yours."

The young man began to cry again as he handed back the $150 that the old man had handed him earlier.

"And what are you supposed to buy Christmas dinner with -- or pay that rent? You keep that, too," George said. "Now git on home to your family before you git yerself into more hot water!"

The young man turned with tears streaming down his face. "I'll be here in the morning for work, if you really meant that job offer."

"Sorry.  That won't work.  I'm closed on Christmas Day," George said. "See ya the day after."

George watched the boy head off down the street.  He turned to lock up the garage, thinking, "Whew, what a day!  Nobody would believe it."  When he entered the shop, he was surprised to see that the homeless man had returned.

"Hey!  Where'd you come from? I thought you left?"

"Oh, I've been here all along.  In fact, I've always been here," said the stranger, to the old man's confusion."You say you don't celebrate Christmas. Why is that?"

"Well, after my wife passed away, I just couldn't see what the big to-do was all about.  Trimmin' a tree seemed like a waste of a good pine tree. Bakin' cookies like I used to with Martha just wasn't the same by myself, and besides I was gettin' a little chubby."

The stranger put his hand on the garage owner's shoulder. "But you DO celebrate the holiday, George. You gave me food and drink and warmed me when I was cold and hungry. The woman with child will bear a son, and he will become a great doctor.
The policeman you helped will go on to save 19 people from being killed by terrorists. The young man who tried to rob you will make you a rich man and not take any of the fortune for himself. That is the spirit of the season, and you keep it as well as any man could."

George was taken aback by all this stranger had said.  "And how do you know all this?" asked the old man

"Trust me, my friend, I have the inside track on this sort of thing. And when your days are done, have no fear.  You will be with Martha again."  The stranger moved toward the door. "If you will excuse me, George......I have to go home now.  There's a big celebration planned."

George watched as the old denim jacket and the torn jeans that the stranger was wearing faded into a white robe. The room was suddenly bathed in a golden light. 

"You see, George...... it's my birthday. Merry Christmas!"

George fell to his knees and replied, "Happy Birthday, Lord!"

Isn't this story better than any greeting card?


Now clear the lump from your throat, blow your nose, and send this along to a friend of yours or someone who may need a reminder as to WHY we celebrate Christmas.

               MERRY CHRISTMAS AND GOD BLESS!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

IT'S WHAT YOU SCATTER


IT'S WHAT YOU SCATTER 

 I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes... I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprising a basket of freshly picked green peas.

I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes.

Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.

'Hello Barry, how are you today?'

'H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. They sure look good'

'They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?'

'Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time.'

'Good. Anything I can help you with?'

'No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas.'

'Would you like to take some home?' asked Mr. Miller.

'No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with.'

'Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?'

'All I got's my prize marble here.'

'Is that right? Let me see it', said Miller.

'Here 'tis. She's a dandy.'

'I can see that. Hmm mmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?' the store owner asked.

'Not zackley but almost.'

'Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble'. Mr. Miller told the boy.

'Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller.'


Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me.

With a smile she said, 'There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever.

When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store.'

I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado , but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles.

Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died. They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.

Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts...all very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket.

Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket. Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one; each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.

Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband's bartering for marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.

'Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about.

They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim 'traded' them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size....they came to pay their debt.'

'We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world,' she confided, 'but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho ...'

With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.

The Moral: 


We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.


Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ~ A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself...


An unexpected phone call from an old friend.... Green traffic lights when you drive....


The fastest line at the grocery store....

Your keys found right where you left them.

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU GATHER, BUT WHAT YOU SCATTER THAT TELLS WHAT KIND OF LIFE YOU HAVE LIVED!

Colonoscopy - Written by Dave Barry

So here's the story.

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep.

You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic.. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothe s and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

ABOUT THE WRITER: Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald. On the subject of Colonoscopies... Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in; you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. Now I know why I am not gay.'

And the best one of all.

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'



Inspirational Stories

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room She said: 'How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?' The surgeon said, 'I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.'

Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?'

The surgeon asked, 'Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university.'

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you like a lock of his hair?' the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

The mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. 'I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom.' She went on, 'My Jimmy had a heart of gold.. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could.'

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She lay down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said :

'Dear Mom,

I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say 'I Love You' . I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of His pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus, Himself, took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you.. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked: where was He when I needed Him?' 'God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.

Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore the cancer is all gone.. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

When Grandma Goes To Court

When Grandma Goes To Court
Don't Jack With This Lady!