There was a chemistry professor in a large college that had some exchange students in the class. *
*One day while the class was in the lab, the Prof noticed one young man, an
exchange student, who kept rubbing his back and stretching as if his back hurt.**
The professor asked the young man what was the matter.
The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country's government and install a new communist regime.
In the midst of his story, he looked at the professor and asked a strange
question. He asked: "Do you know how to catch wild pigs?"
The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line. The young man said that it was no joke.
"You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. *
*The pigs find it and begin to come everyday to eat the free corn. *
*When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming.**
When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence.
They get used to that and start to eat again. *
*You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side.**
The pigs, which are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat that free corn again.
You then slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd. *
*Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom.**
They run around and around inside the fence, but they are
caught.
Soon they go back to eating the free corn. *
*They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity."**
The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening in America. *
*The government keeps pushing us toward Communism/Socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tax exemptions, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc. while we continually lose our freedoms, just a little at a time.**
One should always remember two truths:
1) There is no such thing as a free lunch, someone is paying for it
2) and when you begin to think that having your government*
*provide for you and make your decisions is ok, realize that you've *
*also given up the freedom that goes with making your own choices.**
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Quiz for Bright People
There are only nine questions.
This is a quiz for people who know everything!
I found out in a hurry that I didn't. These are not trick questions.
They are straight questions with straight answers..
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons.
All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ' dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them.
7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?
8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S.'
Answers To Quiz:
1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the
leader until the contest ends: Boxing.
2. North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls . (The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.)
3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.
4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry.
5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.
6. Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle...
7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.
8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce.
9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S': Shoes, socks, sandals,
sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.
This is a quiz for people who know everything!
I found out in a hurry that I didn't. These are not trick questions.
They are straight questions with straight answers..
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons.
All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ' dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them.
7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?
8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S.'
Answers To Quiz:
1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the
leader until the contest ends: Boxing.
2. North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls . (The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.)
3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.
4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry.
5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.
6. Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle...
7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.
8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce.
9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S': Shoes, socks, sandals,
sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Math History
Math since the 1950s:
1. Teaching Math In 1950s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.. What is his profit?
2. Teaching Math In 1960s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
3. Teaching Math In 1970s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?
4. Teaching Math In 1980s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
5. Teaching Math In 1990s
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20.
What do you think of this way of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok).
6. Teaching Math In 2010
Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
ANSWER: His profit was $375,000 because his logging business is just a front for his marijuana
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.
It is the most requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good..
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12.. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple..
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26.. Frame every so-called disaster with these words :'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life..
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life.. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Chaplain's Thought
Chaplain's Thought:
Last Thursday morning I was one of more than 300 runners in the NSA
Armed Forces Week 5K run ( Ft. Meade , MD ). It was pretty crowded
at the start, but things thinned out after about five minutes or so, and I
took my bearings.
Perhaps 200 yards ahead of me was a group of maybe 8 Marines or
so who were obviously running together.
I decided that a good goal would be to beat them, which seemed
reasonable as I am a macho Air Force Chaplain and they
were only a bunch of United States Marines. I kept them in sight for the
next couple of miles, but the longer the race went on,
the younger those guys got.
It became apparent to me in the last half mile that I was not
going to catch them, and I resigned myself to finishing well behind
them.
Then I noticed that one of their number was struggling and was
gradually dropping off the pace.
I panted out a word of encouragement as I caught him
and realized that he was not about to give up. Within 100 yards of the
finish line I saw a strange sight. The entire group of Marines made a
u turn in the road and were running back towards me.
As they ran past me I noted their well chiseled muscles and the
determined set of their jaws. I glanced over my shoulder in time to see
them rally around their buddy to provide the emotional support of the
team so that they could all finish together.
I was impressed. No way would they leave a struggling comrade behind.
As I entered the finishing chute I murmured a prayer.
"God, I'm glad those guys are on our side."
And so it was that I learned a theological truth from the
U.S. Marines that is as vivid as any my seminary professors ever
taught.
"If anyone... sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can
the love of God be in him?
Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."
1 John 3:17,18
Last Thursday I witnessed "a few good men" in action.
They reminded me of the strength of being a team, and that words
without actions are pretty much useless.
Thanks, Marines.
Last Thursday morning I was one of more than 300 runners in the NSA
Armed Forces Week 5K run ( Ft. Meade , MD ). It was pretty crowded
at the start, but things thinned out after about five minutes or so, and I
took my bearings.
Perhaps 200 yards ahead of me was a group of maybe 8 Marines or
so who were obviously running together.
I decided that a good goal would be to beat them, which seemed
reasonable as I am a macho Air Force Chaplain and they
were only a bunch of United States Marines. I kept them in sight for the
next couple of miles, but the longer the race went on,
the younger those guys got.
It became apparent to me in the last half mile that I was not
going to catch them, and I resigned myself to finishing well behind
them.
Then I noticed that one of their number was struggling and was
gradually dropping off the pace.
I panted out a word of encouragement as I caught him
and realized that he was not about to give up. Within 100 yards of the
finish line I saw a strange sight. The entire group of Marines made a
u turn in the road and were running back towards me.
As they ran past me I noted their well chiseled muscles and the
determined set of their jaws. I glanced over my shoulder in time to see
them rally around their buddy to provide the emotional support of the
team so that they could all finish together.
I was impressed. No way would they leave a struggling comrade behind.
As I entered the finishing chute I murmured a prayer.
"God, I'm glad those guys are on our side."
And so it was that I learned a theological truth from the
U.S. Marines that is as vivid as any my seminary professors ever
taught.
"If anyone... sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can
the love of God be in him?
Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."
1 John 3:17,18
Last Thursday I witnessed "a few good men" in action.
They reminded me of the strength of being a team, and that words
without actions are pretty much useless.
Thanks, Marines.
Friday, October 7, 2011
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When Grandma Goes To Court
Don't Jack With This Lady!