1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown in to a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: “You stay here; I'll go on a head.”
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: “Keep off the Grass.”
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
20. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at him and says, “I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
21. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says “Dam!”
22. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
23. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I've lost my electron.” The other says “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I'm positive.”
24. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
25. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Amazing Grace
Amazing Grace, by Wintley Phipps
At Carnegie Hall, gospel singer Wintley Phipps delivers perhaps the most powerful rendition of Amazing Grace ever recorded. He says, "A lot of people don't realize that just about all Negro spirituals are written on the black notes of the piano. Probably the most famous on this slave scale was written by John Newton, who used to be the captain of a slave ship, and many believe he heard this melody that sounds very much like a West African sorrow chant. And it has a haunting, haunting plaintive quality to it that reaches past your arrogance, past your pride, and it speaks to that part of you that's in bondage. And we feel it. We feel it. It's just one of the most amazing melodies in all of human history." After sharing the noteworthy history of the song, Mr. Phipps delivers a stirring performance that brings the audience to its feet!
At Carnegie Hall, gospel singer Wintley Phipps delivers perhaps the most powerful rendition of Amazing Grace ever recorded. He says, "A lot of people don't realize that just about all Negro spirituals are written on the black notes of the piano. Probably the most famous on this slave scale was written by John Newton, who used to be the captain of a slave ship, and many believe he heard this melody that sounds very much like a West African sorrow chant. And it has a haunting, haunting plaintive quality to it that reaches past your arrogance, past your pride, and it speaks to that part of you that's in bondage. And we feel it. We feel it. It's just one of the most amazing melodies in all of human history." After sharing the noteworthy history of the song, Mr. Phipps delivers a stirring performance that brings the audience to its feet!
Monday, November 21, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Never Choke in a Restaurant in the South!
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks,'Kin ya breathe?'The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.
His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks,'Kin ya breathe?'The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.
His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
Church Ladies With Typewriters
Church Ladies With Typewriters
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank goodness for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank goodness for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
Making Pancakes
Making Pancakes
�
Six year-old Brandon decided one Saturday morning to fix his parents
pancakes. He found a big bowl and spoon, pulled a chair to the
counter, opened the cupboard and pulled out the heavy flour canister,
spilling it on the floor.
He scooped some of the flour into the bowl with his hands, mixed in
most of a cup of milk and added some sugar, leaving a floury trail on
the floor which by now had a few tracks left by his kitten.
Brandon was covered with flour and getting frustrated. He wanted this
to be something very good for Mom and Dad, but it was getting very
bad.
He didn't know what to do next, whether to put it all into the oven or
on the stove and he didn't know how the stove worked!. Suddenly he saw
his kitten licking from the bowl of mix and reached to push her away,
knocking the egg carton to the floor.
Frantically he tried to clean up this monumental mess but slipped on
the eggs, getting his pajamas white and sticky.
And just then he saw Dad standing at the door. Big crocodile tears
welled up in Brandon 's eyes. All he'd wanted to do was something
good, but he'd made a terrible mess. He was sure a scolding was
coming, maybe even a spanking.. But his father just watched him.
Then, walking through the mess, he picked up his crying son, hugged
him and loved him, getting his own pajamas white and sticky in the
process!
That's how God deals with us.. We try to do something good in life,
but it turns into a mess. Our marriage gets all sticky or we insult a
friend, or we can't stand our job, or our health goes sour.
Sometimes we just stand there in tears because we can't think of
anything else to do. That's when God picks us up and loves us and
forgives us, even though some of our mess gets all over Him.
But just because we might mess up, we can't stop trying to "make
pancakes" for God or for others. Sooner or later we'll get it right,
and then they'll be glad we tried...
I was thinking. and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be
healed, friendships that need rekindling or three words needing to be
said, sometimes, "I love you" can heal & bless! Remind every one of
your friends that you love them. Even if you think they don't love
back, you would be amazed at what those three little words, a smile,
and a reminder like this can do.
Just in case I haven't told you lately... I LOVE YA!!! �Please pass
some of this love on to others....suppose one morning you were called
to God; do all your friends know you love them?
�
Six year-old Brandon decided one Saturday morning to fix his parents
pancakes. He found a big bowl and spoon, pulled a chair to the
counter, opened the cupboard and pulled out the heavy flour canister,
spilling it on the floor.
He scooped some of the flour into the bowl with his hands, mixed in
most of a cup of milk and added some sugar, leaving a floury trail on
the floor which by now had a few tracks left by his kitten.
Brandon was covered with flour and getting frustrated. He wanted this
to be something very good for Mom and Dad, but it was getting very
bad.
He didn't know what to do next, whether to put it all into the oven or
on the stove and he didn't know how the stove worked!. Suddenly he saw
his kitten licking from the bowl of mix and reached to push her away,
knocking the egg carton to the floor.
Frantically he tried to clean up this monumental mess but slipped on
the eggs, getting his pajamas white and sticky.
And just then he saw Dad standing at the door. Big crocodile tears
welled up in Brandon 's eyes. All he'd wanted to do was something
good, but he'd made a terrible mess. He was sure a scolding was
coming, maybe even a spanking.. But his father just watched him.
Then, walking through the mess, he picked up his crying son, hugged
him and loved him, getting his own pajamas white and sticky in the
process!
That's how God deals with us.. We try to do something good in life,
but it turns into a mess. Our marriage gets all sticky or we insult a
friend, or we can't stand our job, or our health goes sour.
Sometimes we just stand there in tears because we can't think of
anything else to do. That's when God picks us up and loves us and
forgives us, even though some of our mess gets all over Him.
But just because we might mess up, we can't stop trying to "make
pancakes" for God or for others. Sooner or later we'll get it right,
and then they'll be glad we tried...
I was thinking. and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be
healed, friendships that need rekindling or three words needing to be
said, sometimes, "I love you" can heal & bless! Remind every one of
your friends that you love them. Even if you think they don't love
back, you would be amazed at what those three little words, a smile,
and a reminder like this can do.
Just in case I haven't told you lately... I LOVE YA!!! �Please pass
some of this love on to others....suppose one morning you were called
to God; do all your friends know you love them?
Friday, November 11, 2011
Carl
Carl was a quiet man. He didn't talk much. He would always greet you with a big smile and a firm handshake.
Even after living in our neighborhood for over 50 years, no one could really say they knew him very well.
Before his retirement, he took the bus to work each morning. The lone sight of him walking down the street often worried us.
He had a slight limp from a bullet wound received in WWII.
Watching him, we worried that although he had survived WWII, he may not make it through our changing uptown neighborhood with its ever-increasing random violence, gangs, and drug activity.
When he saw the flyer at our local church asking for volunteers for caring for the gardens behind the minister's residence, he responded in his characteristically unassuming manner. Without fanfare, he just signed up.
He was well into his 87th year when the very thing we had always feared finally happened.
He was just finishing his watering for the day when three gang members approached him.
Ignoring their attempt to intimidate him, he simply asked, "Would you like a drink from the hose?"
The tallest and toughest-looking of the three said, "Yeah, sure," with a malevolent little smile.
As Carl offered the hose to him, the other two grabbed Carl's arm, throwing him down.
As the hose snaked crazily over the ground, dousing everything in its way, Carl's assailants stole his retirement watch and his wallet, and then fled.
Carl tried to get himself up, but he had been thrown down on his bad leg. He lay there trying to gather himself as the minister came running to help him.
Although the minister had witnessed the attack from his window, he couldn't get there fast enough to stop it.
"Carl, are you okay? Are you hurt?" the minister kept asking as he helped Carl to his feet.
Carl just passed a hand over his brow and sighed, shaking his head. "Just some punk kids. I hope they'll wise-up someday."
His wet clothes clung to his slight frame as he bent to pick up the hose. He adjusted the nozzle again and started to water.
Confused and a little concerned, the minister asked, "Carl, what are you doing?"
"I've got to finish my watering. It's been very dry lately," came the calm reply.
Satisfying himself that Carl really was all right, the minister could only marvel. Carl was a man from a different time and place.
A few weeks later the three returned. Just as before their threat was unchallenged.
Carl again offered them a drink from his hose.
This time they didn't rob him.. They wrenched the hose from his hand and drenched him head to foot in the icy water.
When they had finished their humiliation of him, they sauntered off down the street, throwing catcalls and curses, falling over one another laughing at the hilarity of what they had just done.
Carl just watched them. Then he turned toward the warmth giving sun, picked up his hose, and went on with his watering.
The summer was quickly fading into fall. Carl was doing some tilling when he was startled by the sudden approach of someone behind him. He stumbled and fell into some evergreen branches.
As he struggled to regain his footing, he turned to see the tall leader of his summer tormentors reaching down for him. He braced himself for the expected attack.
"Don't worry old man, I'm not gonna hurt you this time."
The young man spoke softly, still offering the tattooed and scarred hand to Carl. As he helped Carl get up, the man pulled a crumpled bag from his pocket and handed it to Carl.
"What's this?" Carl asked. "It's your stuff," the man explained. "It's your stuff back.
Even the money in your wallet." "I don't understand," Carl said. "Why would you help me now?"
The man shifted his feet, seeming embarrassed and ill at ease. "I learned something from you," he said. "I ran with that gang and hurt people like you. We picked you because you were old and we knew we could do it But every time we came and did something to you, instead of yelling and fighting back, you tried to give us a drink. You didn't hate us for hating you. You kept showing love against our hate."
He stopped for a moment. "I couldn't sleep after we stole your stuff, so here it is back."
He paused for another awkward moment, not knowing what more there was to say. "That bag's my way of saying thanks for straightening me out, I guess." And with that, he walked off down the street.
Carl looked down at the sack in his hands and gingerly opened it. He took out his retirement watch and put it back on his wrist.. Opening his wallet, he checked for his wedding photo. He gazed for a moment at the young bride that still smiled back at him from all those years ago.
He died one cold day after Christmas that winter. Many people attended his funeral in spite of the weather.
In particular the minister noticed a tall young man that he didn't know sitting quietly in a distant corner of the church.
The minister spoke of Carl's garden as a lesson in life.
In a voice made thick with unshed tears, he said, "Do your best and make your garden as beautiful as you can. We will never forget Carl and his garden."
The following spring another flyer went up. It read: "Person needed to care for Carl's garden."
The flyer went unnoticed by the busy parishioners until one day when a knock was heard at the minister's office door.
Opening the door, the minister saw a pair of scarred and tattooed hands holding the flyer. "I believe this is my job, if you'll have me," the young man said.
The minister recognized him as the same young man who had returned the stolen watch and wallet to Carl.
He knew that Carl's kindness had turned this man's life around. As the minister handed him the keys to the garden shed, he said, "Yes, go take care of Carl's garden and honor him."
The man went to work and, over the next several years, he tended the flowers and vegetables just as Carl had done.
During that time, he went to college, got married, and became a prominent member of the community. But he never forgot his promise to Carl's memory and kept the garden as beautiful as he thought Carl would have kept it.
One day he approached the new minister and told him that he couldn't care for the garden any longer. He explained with a shy and happy smile, "My wife just had a baby boy last night, and she's bringing him home on Saturday.."
"Well, congratulations!" said the minister, as he was handed the garden shed keys. "That's wonderful! What's the baby's name?"
"Carl," he replied..
Even after living in our neighborhood for over 50 years, no one could really say they knew him very well.
Before his retirement, he took the bus to work each morning. The lone sight of him walking down the street often worried us.
He had a slight limp from a bullet wound received in WWII.
Watching him, we worried that although he had survived WWII, he may not make it through our changing uptown neighborhood with its ever-increasing random violence, gangs, and drug activity.
When he saw the flyer at our local church asking for volunteers for caring for the gardens behind the minister's residence, he responded in his characteristically unassuming manner. Without fanfare, he just signed up.
He was well into his 87th year when the very thing we had always feared finally happened.
He was just finishing his watering for the day when three gang members approached him.
Ignoring their attempt to intimidate him, he simply asked, "Would you like a drink from the hose?"
The tallest and toughest-looking of the three said, "Yeah, sure," with a malevolent little smile.
As Carl offered the hose to him, the other two grabbed Carl's arm, throwing him down.
As the hose snaked crazily over the ground, dousing everything in its way, Carl's assailants stole his retirement watch and his wallet, and then fled.
Carl tried to get himself up, but he had been thrown down on his bad leg. He lay there trying to gather himself as the minister came running to help him.
Although the minister had witnessed the attack from his window, he couldn't get there fast enough to stop it.
"Carl, are you okay? Are you hurt?" the minister kept asking as he helped Carl to his feet.
Carl just passed a hand over his brow and sighed, shaking his head. "Just some punk kids. I hope they'll wise-up someday."
His wet clothes clung to his slight frame as he bent to pick up the hose. He adjusted the nozzle again and started to water.
Confused and a little concerned, the minister asked, "Carl, what are you doing?"
"I've got to finish my watering. It's been very dry lately," came the calm reply.
Satisfying himself that Carl really was all right, the minister could only marvel. Carl was a man from a different time and place.
A few weeks later the three returned. Just as before their threat was unchallenged.
Carl again offered them a drink from his hose.
This time they didn't rob him.. They wrenched the hose from his hand and drenched him head to foot in the icy water.
When they had finished their humiliation of him, they sauntered off down the street, throwing catcalls and curses, falling over one another laughing at the hilarity of what they had just done.
Carl just watched them. Then he turned toward the warmth giving sun, picked up his hose, and went on with his watering.
The summer was quickly fading into fall. Carl was doing some tilling when he was startled by the sudden approach of someone behind him. He stumbled and fell into some evergreen branches.
As he struggled to regain his footing, he turned to see the tall leader of his summer tormentors reaching down for him. He braced himself for the expected attack.
"Don't worry old man, I'm not gonna hurt you this time."
The young man spoke softly, still offering the tattooed and scarred hand to Carl. As he helped Carl get up, the man pulled a crumpled bag from his pocket and handed it to Carl.
"What's this?" Carl asked. "It's your stuff," the man explained. "It's your stuff back.
Even the money in your wallet." "I don't understand," Carl said. "Why would you help me now?"
The man shifted his feet, seeming embarrassed and ill at ease. "I learned something from you," he said. "I ran with that gang and hurt people like you. We picked you because you were old and we knew we could do it But every time we came and did something to you, instead of yelling and fighting back, you tried to give us a drink. You didn't hate us for hating you. You kept showing love against our hate."
He stopped for a moment. "I couldn't sleep after we stole your stuff, so here it is back."
He paused for another awkward moment, not knowing what more there was to say. "That bag's my way of saying thanks for straightening me out, I guess." And with that, he walked off down the street.
Carl looked down at the sack in his hands and gingerly opened it. He took out his retirement watch and put it back on his wrist.. Opening his wallet, he checked for his wedding photo. He gazed for a moment at the young bride that still smiled back at him from all those years ago.
He died one cold day after Christmas that winter. Many people attended his funeral in spite of the weather.
In particular the minister noticed a tall young man that he didn't know sitting quietly in a distant corner of the church.
The minister spoke of Carl's garden as a lesson in life.
In a voice made thick with unshed tears, he said, "Do your best and make your garden as beautiful as you can. We will never forget Carl and his garden."
The following spring another flyer went up. It read: "Person needed to care for Carl's garden."
The flyer went unnoticed by the busy parishioners until one day when a knock was heard at the minister's office door.
Opening the door, the minister saw a pair of scarred and tattooed hands holding the flyer. "I believe this is my job, if you'll have me," the young man said.
The minister recognized him as the same young man who had returned the stolen watch and wallet to Carl.
He knew that Carl's kindness had turned this man's life around. As the minister handed him the keys to the garden shed, he said, "Yes, go take care of Carl's garden and honor him."
The man went to work and, over the next several years, he tended the flowers and vegetables just as Carl had done.
During that time, he went to college, got married, and became a prominent member of the community. But he never forgot his promise to Carl's memory and kept the garden as beautiful as he thought Carl would have kept it.
One day he approached the new minister and told him that he couldn't care for the garden any longer. He explained with a shy and happy smile, "My wife just had a baby boy last night, and she's bringing him home on Saturday.."
"Well, congratulations!" said the minister, as he was handed the garden shed keys. "That's wonderful! What's the baby's name?"
"Carl," he replied..
Monday, November 7, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Recommendations for the "Newly Diagnosed" Prostate Cancer Patient – Fuller Jones
Recommendations for the "Newly Diagnosed" Prostate Cancer Patient – Fuller Jones
1. Do Not Panic! Many of us have been down this road before, and there is much to learn before you choose the solution "best for you." You have had this thing longer than you think, and taking the time to do the proper investigation into your options will not hurt. Since you have posted on the Internet, you obviously have the means to do most of the research that you need to do. There is a wealth of knowledge and experience for you to draw on.
2. Do Not Accept the First Recommendation From the Urologist! (Or any other "first" recommendation) Get second, (or more) opinions from experts in other specialties. Depending on your Gleason score, you have time to figure this thing out! Gleason of 6 or less, take your time and be thorough; Gleason 7 and up, you need to do something sooner than later, but remember that it "is not going to kill you tomorrow," so you still have time to do a good job of fact gathering. Your PSA value enters into this equation also. This is the time to learn and thoroughly examine ALL your options, because whatever you choose, you will live with the consequences the rest of your days.
3. I recommend that you also join "YANA" (You Are Not Alone")
http://www.yananow.org/
Explore it. (My story is on YANA, under Mentor Experiences/Proton Beam). Study this site carefully; the author, Terry Herbert, is "One of Us." Note: Terry has recently "Re-Started" the original site. If you have not posted your story there, you should! If you have not updated it recently, please do so! Terry is a great guy, and has done a tremendous amount of work to help us all.
4. Consider Proton Beam Radiation Therapy (PBRT), which is only available at five "Centers of Excellence" in the U. S. This is the ONLY treatment (other than "Watchful Waiting" which of course has no side effects) that has the least amount of side effects, with at least comparable results to all other options. Usually you will not hear of this option from other doctors or specialists!
Do not allow the fact that the doctor did not mention it prevent you from considering this option along with the others! At the very least, study the records about PBRT and if possible, visit one of the centers for a consultation.
Disadvantages:
Nine weeks at one of only five centers that offer it.
High cost (Medicare and most insurance does cover it).
Full disclosure: I believe that PBRT results in the best chance for improved "Quality of Life" during and following treatment, and consider myself a "Proton Beam Advocate!"
I completed my PBRT in March of 2007.
5. Get Bob Marckini's book, "You Can Beat Prostate Cancer …" and read it cover to cover BEFORE you visit your doctor again if possible. There is a wealth of information in this book!
Order from Amazon or from Bob at www.protonbob.com .
This recommendation is very important in terms of learning about prostate cancer.
I have also written a book "Prostate Cancer Meets the Proton Beam, available on Amazon.com. Just Google "Fuller Jones Proton" fo info.
Whatever method you choose for your treatment, you should be comfortable with it.
Be happy that you made the choice, based on your personal situation. This is many times better than accepting the recommendation of the diagnosing specialist, then later wondering why you did not do your "due diligence" and make your own decision!
Whatever method you choose, rest assured that the outcome, with experienced surgeons or other specialists, is approximately the same for most modalities. The major differences in the outcomes may be in "quality of life" issues, which may or may not happen in every case.
For me, these were the main drivers in my decision to receive proton beam therapy.
Fuller Jones
1. Do Not Panic! Many of us have been down this road before, and there is much to learn before you choose the solution "best for you." You have had this thing longer than you think, and taking the time to do the proper investigation into your options will not hurt. Since you have posted on the Internet, you obviously have the means to do most of the research that you need to do. There is a wealth of knowledge and experience for you to draw on.
2. Do Not Accept the First Recommendation From the Urologist! (Or any other "first" recommendation) Get second, (or more) opinions from experts in other specialties. Depending on your Gleason score, you have time to figure this thing out! Gleason of 6 or less, take your time and be thorough; Gleason 7 and up, you need to do something sooner than later, but remember that it "is not going to kill you tomorrow," so you still have time to do a good job of fact gathering. Your PSA value enters into this equation also. This is the time to learn and thoroughly examine ALL your options, because whatever you choose, you will live with the consequences the rest of your days.
3. I recommend that you also join "YANA" (You Are Not Alone")
http://www.yananow.org/
Explore it. (My story is on YANA, under Mentor Experiences/Proton Beam). Study this site carefully; the author, Terry Herbert, is "One of Us." Note: Terry has recently "Re-Started" the original site. If you have not posted your story there, you should! If you have not updated it recently, please do so! Terry is a great guy, and has done a tremendous amount of work to help us all.
4. Consider Proton Beam Radiation Therapy (PBRT), which is only available at five "Centers of Excellence" in the U. S. This is the ONLY treatment (other than "Watchful Waiting" which of course has no side effects) that has the least amount of side effects, with at least comparable results to all other options. Usually you will not hear of this option from other doctors or specialists!
Do not allow the fact that the doctor did not mention it prevent you from considering this option along with the others! At the very least, study the records about PBRT and if possible, visit one of the centers for a consultation.
Disadvantages:
Nine weeks at one of only five centers that offer it.
High cost (Medicare and most insurance does cover it).
Full disclosure: I believe that PBRT results in the best chance for improved "Quality of Life" during and following treatment, and consider myself a "Proton Beam Advocate!"
I completed my PBRT in March of 2007.
5. Get Bob Marckini's book, "You Can Beat Prostate Cancer …" and read it cover to cover BEFORE you visit your doctor again if possible. There is a wealth of information in this book!
Order from Amazon or from Bob at www.protonbob.com .
This recommendation is very important in terms of learning about prostate cancer.
I have also written a book "Prostate Cancer Meets the Proton Beam, available on Amazon.com. Just Google "Fuller Jones Proton" fo info.
Whatever method you choose for your treatment, you should be comfortable with it.
Be happy that you made the choice, based on your personal situation. This is many times better than accepting the recommendation of the diagnosing specialist, then later wondering why you did not do your "due diligence" and make your own decision!
Whatever method you choose, rest assured that the outcome, with experienced surgeons or other specialists, is approximately the same for most modalities. The major differences in the outcomes may be in "quality of life" issues, which may or may not happen in every case.
For me, these were the main drivers in my decision to receive proton beam therapy.
Fuller Jones
Friday, November 4, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
When Grandma Goes To Court
Don't Jack With This Lady!